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19. 09. 2017Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

19. 09. 2017Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. v. 1
There are many people who believe that money is vital to have a fulfilling life and make one feel satisfied. This is a fact, in this time and age, wealth can purchase opportunities. I partly agree with this statement, because the most significant thing in life is spending time and sharing moments with friends and family and these cannot be bought with money. A lot of people think that a rich person is the highest level in society, and these people can have satisfied life. This is because these people have more opportunities and time than middle class people, namely, travelling, foreign countries, spending time on hobbies, family, and friends. In addition, these people could afford to give their children higher education, and with this the children can obtain better employment. In other words, taking advance education is a big advantage that can bring contentment in life. However, I believe that trust and happiness such as, bonds with family and friends cannot be purchased with money. In my country, it is said money can break any relationships and trust with friends. According to a survey by a Tokyo university about which is the most important in life wealth or relationship the majority of people answered money is less essential in life and does not replace to other properties. In conclusion, having money has some advantages that it can obtain excellent moments and products, however it has also some disadvantages. Wealth can destroy you with somebody sometimes and it is impossible to exchange money for true relationship.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is vital to have a fulfilling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
one feel satisfied. This is a fact, in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and age, wealth can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
opportunities. I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the most significant thing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and sharing moments with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and family and these cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
with money.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a rich person is the highest level in society, and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can have satisfied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more opportunities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
than middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
namely
, travelling, foreign countries, spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on hobbies, family, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
In addition
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could afford to give their children higher education, and with this the children can obtain better employment.
In other words
, taking advance education is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
advantage that can bring contentment in life.

However
, I believe that trust and happiness such as, bonds with family and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. In my country, it
is said
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can break any relationships and trust with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. According to a survey by a Tokyo university about which is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
wealth or relationship the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
answered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is less essential in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and does not replace to other properties.

In conclusion
, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages that it can obtain excellent moments and products,
however
it has
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages. Wealth can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
you with somebody
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
and it is impossible to exchange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for true relationship.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 19. 09. 2017Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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