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It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay. v.6

It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay. v. 6
Buying things on the internet become more popular. Buying things in online like books, tickets, groceries and items become more popular these days. Although, many things are mostly available in online, it has many consequences to deal with. In this essay, I will discuss about the advantages of shopping and do that outweigh the disadvantages. Firstly, there will be no time required for buying and selecting items by switching many shops. However, they will be delivered home by saving more time. For instance, we can order all the required items at the same time without going to different shops for different products. While we can utilize that time on the other important works. So, buying things on the internet can make our life much easier as well as smarter. On the other hand, sellers can also benefit by selling their items on the internet. Even though it destroys the shops and mall environment, it creates more jobs. For example, it provides more jobs such as delivery, product assemble, machine control, affiliate marketing, quality check and much more. Moreover, these types of jobs require less effort and skills. Apart from that, it has some disadvantages, namely damaged products, late delivery, missing products, but mostly these can also be solved by them. In my conclusion, by above aforementioned points, this online store has more benefits for all the people who depends on them. Buying things on the internet rather than direct shopping has more benefits. So, the advantages of online stores and online shopping outweigh the disadvantages. There are many facilities to improve in order to provide more services.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Buying
things on the internet become more popular.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Buying
things in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
like books, tickets, groceries and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
become more popular these days. Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things are
mostly
available in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "to". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences to
deal with. In this essay, I will
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
advantages of shopping and do that outweigh the disadvantages.

Firstly
, there will be no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
required for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
and selecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
by switching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
shops.

However
, they will
be delivered
home by saving more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For instance
, we can order all the required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
without going to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
shops for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
we can utilize that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on the other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
works.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
things on the internet can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our life much easier
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
well as smarter.

On the other hand
, sellers can
also
benefit by selling their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
on the internet.
Even though
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroys
the shops and mall environment, it creates more jobs.
For example
, it provides more jobs such as delivery,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
assemble, machine control, affiliate marketing, quality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
and much more.
Moreover
, these types of jobs require less effort and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Apart from that, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages,
namely
damaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, late delivery, missing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
mostly
these can
also
be solved
by them.

In my conclusion, by above aforementioned points, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
store has more benefits for all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
Did you mean "depend"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
depends
on them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Buying
things on the internet
rather
than direct shopping has more benefits.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
stores and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping outweigh the disadvantages. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
facilities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
in order to provide more services.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay. v. 6

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
267 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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