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2067 first You should say: what it waswho you learned it fromhow you learned itand explain why you think it is useful. v.1

2067 first You should say: what it waswho you learned it fromhow you learned itand explain why you think it is useful. v. 1
Technology gets more innovative as the years go by and makes the human life easier. Today, movies can be watched from any computer equipment. This is also true for video games. This essay will discuss the benefits and disbenefits of this development. There are two main advantages to being able to get these things at the tip of one’s fingers which include low cost of purchasing and time saving. The availability of the internet in most parts of the world and also the presence of computer-like equipment has made accessing videos and video-like games easy. As a result, people do not need to purchase these products anymore, as this can be easily downloaded, thereby saving cost. In the past, individuals who wish to play or watch a particular movie had to walk down to the game/video centre to see the movie. However, this is no more necessary in today’s world, thus saving our time. Distraction and loss of employment are drawbacks to the easy access we have to movies and games. Individuals of today, most especially young adults are easily distracted. Most times, they are always playing games on the smartphones instead of reading. This trend can be noticed from the library to the lecture rooms and is evident in the average grades of most students today, as there has been a decrease in college students grades worldwide. In addition, persons whose means of livelihood were selling of these commodities in our local societies will be out of jobs because the internet is doing a good job of distributing it worldwide. In conclusion, this essay discussed the benefits and pitfalls of accessing films and games on our personal computers. In my opinion, I believe this development is doing more good than harm.
Technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
more innovative as the years go by and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the human life easier.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
from any computer equipment. This is
also
true for video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. This essay will discuss the benefits and
Possible spelling mistake found.
disbenefits
of this development.

There are two main advantages to being able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
these things at the tip of one’s fingers which include low cost of purchasing and time saving. The availability of the internet in most parts of the world and
also
the presence of computer-like equipment has made accessing videos and video-like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
easy.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
these products anymore, as this can be
easily
downloaded, thereby saving cost. In the past, individuals who wish to play or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
had to walk down to the game/video
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
.
However
, this is no more necessary in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today’s
world,
thus
saving our time.

Distraction and loss of employment are drawbacks to the easy access we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Individuals of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
, most
especially
young adults are
easily
distracted. Most times, they are always playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on the smartphones
instead
of reading. This trend can
be noticed
from the library to the lecture rooms and is evident in the average grades of most students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
, as there has been a decrease in college students grades worldwide.
In addition
, persons whose means of livelihood were selling of these commodities in our local societies will be out of jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the internet is doing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job of distributing it worldwide.

In conclusion
, this essay discussed the benefits and pitfalls of accessing films and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on our personal computers.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
my opinion, I believe this development is doing more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
than harm.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay 2067 first You should say: what it waswho you learned it fromhow you learned itand explain why you think it is useful. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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