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2068 second You should say: what it waswho you learned it fromhow you learned itand explain why you think it is useful. v.1

2068 second You should say: what it waswho you learned it fromhow you learned itand explain why you think it is useful. v. 1
In today's modern and competitive society, we need to equip ourselves with a huge fund of knowledge in order to achieve success. While I cannot deny that the understandings of the university provides very rewarding, I agree with the statement that achieving success needs several qualities, a few of which cannot be learnt in academic institutions. To begin with, individuals cannot become successful if they only have academic knowledge. Take for instance, those who graduated from universities with high results, but they couldn’t get a job because of their lack of experiences. For other examples, the CEO of Microsoft – Bill Gates, who quitted the Havard University, developed leadership qualities from his own experiences. Actually the insights provided by the universities are focused on theoretical issues which hardly come in real life. However, there are some skills which are essential to succeed, but can’t be learned in school but in real life. And the differences between theory and practice are so large that we are likely to get in troubles. On the other hand, many people can become successful without going to colleges. Business people who have inborn intelligence and also hard work will lead to their achievement. As we all know Michael Dell who is the founder of Dell left school at 19. But what is more shocking is he started his computer company in his college dorm room, he had worked very hard, and he also had to use up his savings and expenses, even his family’s loan to maintain his progress and to get the results he has now. And for those who aspire to succeed in sports or entertainment, the natural abilities and luck accounted for a large proportion. If you are invited to be a guest from the reality show for example, it is possible for you to be well known and from that you will become more famous and due to your success. To sum up, it is absolutely wrong to affirm that one’s prosperity completely depends on their academic education. To be successful, not only do we need to improve our real life skills, but also the characteristics of a the prosperous person.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's modern and competitive society, we need to equip ourselves with a huge fund of knowledge in order to achieve success. While I cannot deny that the understandings of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rewarding, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that achieving success needs several qualities, a few of which cannot be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
in academic institutions.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, individuals cannot become successful if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have academic knowledge. Take
for instance
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
graduated from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
with high results,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they couldn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their lack of experiences. For other examples, the CEO of Microsoft
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
Bill Gates,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
Possible spelling mistake found.
quitted
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Havard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
, developed leadership qualities from his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experiences. Actually the insights provided by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
are focused
on theoretical issues which hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in real life.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which are essential to succeed,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can’t
be learned
in school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in real life. And the differences between theory and practice are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
large that we are likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in troubles.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can become successful without going to colleges. Business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have inborn intelligence and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work will lead to their achievement.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
we all know Michael Dell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is the founder of Dell
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
school at 19.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
what is more
shocking is he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
his computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in his college dorm room, he had worked
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
, and he
also
had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
up his savings and expenses, even his family’s loan to maintain his progress and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the results he has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. And for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
aspire to succeed in sports or entertainment, the natural abilities and luck accounted for a large proportion. If you
are invited
to be a guest from the reality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
for example
, it is possible for you to be well known and from that you will become more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and due to your success.

To sum up, it is
absolutely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to affirm that one’s prosperity completely depends on their academic education. To be successful, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do we need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our real life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the characteristics of
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "a" or "the" is left.
a the
prosperous person.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learn a new language and get a new soul.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay 2068 second You should say: what it waswho you learned it fromhow you learned itand explain why you think it is useful. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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