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It is important to study the literature of their own country than of other countries. Do you agree or disagree with this? v.1

It is important to study the literature of their own country than of other countries. with this? v. 1
It is often argued that education is required to live our life better. Some people might think that it is significant to learn their home country’s essay rather than studying other nation’s subjects. Although focusing on their own country is necessary, I strongly disagree with this opinion. This essay will address the perspective of studying literature. First of all, the globalization in modern society. In other words, all people around the world live the global community because they are able to interact with other country’s inhabitants constantly, so learning own nation’s subjects might look old-fashioned. For example, when students do not concentrate on the international drama, they are isolated globally because communicating to different countries would be a good chance to know their traditional studying which is the good way to be knowledgeable. Therefore, young people nowadays might not focus on the outdated education. Moreover, in spite of the fact that learning home country is needed, it is good for career to study abroad. When people study other nation’s subjects they might have a variety of opportunities to have a job internationally. For instance, students study abroad, they would have a chance to experience the other country’s culture which is useful and helpful when they interview for a job because they are so experienced through studying abroad. Furthermore, abroad experiences might help their career to have jobs. In conclusion, traditional education might need when it comes to studying own culture’s subjects, but we need to encourage people to educate international studying because it is more useful than home country’s literature. Also, it will be effective to approach other nation’s culture for their future life so they should prepare it in advance.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that education
is required
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
our life better.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is significant to learn their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
essay
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. Although focusing on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is necessary, I
strongly
disagree with this opinion. This essay will address the perspective of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
literature.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the globalization in modern society. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
the global community
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are able to interact with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
inhabitants
constantly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
look
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned.
For example
, when students do not concentrate on the international drama, they
are isolated
globally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
communicating to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
would be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
chance to know their traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
which is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to be knowledgeable.
Therefore
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not focus on the outdated education.

Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the fact that learning home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is needed
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for career to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have a variety of opportunities to have a job
internationally
.
For instance
, students study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
, they would have a chance to experience the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
culture which is useful and helpful when they interview for a job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
experienced through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
experiences
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their career to have jobs.

In conclusion
, traditional education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
need when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
culture’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we need to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to educate international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is more useful than home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
literature.
Also
, it will be effective to approach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation’s
culture for their future life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they should prepare it in advance.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay It is important to study the literature of their own country than of other countries. with this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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