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20. 09. 2017 Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development? v.2

20. 09. 2017 Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development? v. 2
There is no doubt that technology has altered the way people converse with one another. Below the ways in which the trend has impacted people’s relationships will be discussed in details. To begin with, technology has dramatically changed the way people make friends and find partners. Firstly, folk used to make acquaintances at workplace, gyms, cinema theaters and festivals by personally interacting with potential friends; nowadays, the process has undergone a remarkable transformation. For instance, many acquire new pals in the internet on such social websites as Facebook and Instagram where individuals could become friends without seeing each other in person. Secondly, search for a lover has become much easier since Tinder had arrived. Those who are looking for a romance may start a new relationship more comfortably and a number of possible partners are immense. To illustrate, in 1990s a person’s choice was limited to the people a fellow knows personally; The situation has changed and now the pool of potential dates is immense. In other words, the way people interact and build their lives has been transformed by the novel technology. Finally, it appears that those shifts have brought rather benevolent results. For instance, shy individuals who used to suffer to make new acquaintances now do not face this issue. Moreover, handicapped people whose ability to move around is restricted by their condition could feel joy of chatting and making new buddies from around the world while being at home. Furthermore, a large number of adults used to have troubles to find a decent boyfriend or girlfriend because they worked a lot or even gave up the idea all together. However, the advent of dating apps provides them with an indispensable opportunity to find someone while knowing ahead that this person’s attitude toward them. Thus, using internet services and websites allows people to have better and happier lives. To sum up, unquestionably technology has enormously influenced the way individuals interact and establish relationships. Although some might dislike or be afraid of the shits, I personally think that those changes are rather positive ones.
There is no doubt that technology has altered the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
converse with one another. Below the ways in which the trend has impacted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
relationships will
be discussed
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, technology has
dramatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends and find partners.
Firstly
, folk
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
acquaintances at workplace, gyms, cinema theaters and festivals by
personally
interacting with potential friends; nowadays, the process has undergone a remarkable transformation.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
acquire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
pals
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the internet".
in the internet
on such social websites as Facebook and Instagram where individuals could become friends without seeing each other in person.
Secondly
, search for a lover has become much easier since Tinder had arrived. Those who are looking for a romance may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
relationship more
comfortably
and a number of possible partners are immense. To illustrate,
The article is probably missing here: "in the 1990s".
in 1990s
a person’s choice
was limited
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a fellow knows
personally
; The situation has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the pool of potential dates is immense.
In other words
, the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
interact and build their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
has
been transformed
by the novel technology.

Finally
, it appears that those shifts have brought
rather
benevolent results.
For instance
, shy individuals who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to suffer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
acquaintances
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
do not face this issue.
Moreover
, handicapped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whose ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
around
is restricted
by their condition could feel joy of chatting and making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
buddies from around the world while being at home.
Furthermore
,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to have troubles to find a decent boyfriend or girlfriend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they worked a lot or even gave up the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
all together.
However
, the advent of dating apps provides them with an indispensable opportunity to find someone while knowing ahead that this person’s attitude toward them.
Thus
, using internet services and websites
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have better and happier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

To sum up,
unquestionably
technology has
enormously
influenced the way individuals interact and establish relationships. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
might dislike or be afraid of the
This word is considered offensive.
shits
, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
are
rather
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
ones.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay 20. 09. 2017 Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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