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2 Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects Other people think that in today s world subjects like Sciene and Technology are more important than History Discuss both these views and give your own opinion v.1

2 Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects Other people think that in today s world subjects like Sciene and Technology are more important than History 1
When recruiting new staff to companies, more often than not they request employees personal details. Some believe that it is offensive to ask information about their family background and habits since they are private. However, others think those details are vital for organizations. This essay will discuss both views before coming to a conclusion. On the one hand, employers need such information to get an idea about the person they are hiring. It is certainly difficult to identify a person's character by an interview or sometime after some times of working together as well. Hence, if an organization has the personal profile of a person they would be able to act accordingly on some situations. For instance, if a company knows about the likes and dislikes of an employee then they would be able to present the best gift for his or her birthday. Moreover, if a staff member gets ill or has met with an accident then, next of kin details would become crucial. Therefore, personal profiles of employees do have its own advantages. On the other hand, sometimes it is offensive to get those details from a staff member. Most people have some part of their life that they are not proud of, disclosing those information would be difficult for them. Such as, the marriage status of a person who has got divorced or going through the process. It would put them in an embracing situation. Especially to disclose that to the colleagues. Evidently, on some occasions this practice seems somewhat unethical. To recapitulate, in my opinion, although the private details of the staff are useful for companies, they should always include the choice of providing them to the employee. Since, fro some people those information could be sensitive.
When recruiting new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than not they request
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that it is offensive to ask
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about their family background and habits since they are private.
However
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
are vital for organizations. This essay will discuss both views
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
coming to a conclusion.

On the one hand, employers need such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about the person they are hiring. It is
certainly
difficult to identify a person's character by an interview or sometime after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
times of working together
as well
.
Hence
, if an organization has the personal profile of a person they would be able to act
accordingly
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situations.
For instance
, if a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
knows about the likes and dislikes of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
then they would be able to present the best gift for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
birthday.
Moreover
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
member
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
ill or has met with an accident then,
next
of kin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
would become crucial.
Therefore
, personal profiles of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
do have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantages.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it is offensive to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
member. Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of their life that they are not proud of, disclosing those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
would be difficult for them. Such as, the marriage status of a person who has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
divorced or going through the process. It would put them in an embracing situation.
Especially
to disclose that to the colleagues.
Evidently
, on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
occasions this practice seems somewhat unethical.

To recapitulate, in my opinion, although the private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
are useful for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, they should always include the choice of providing them to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
,
Did you mean "for" or "from"?
fro
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
could be sensitive.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 2 Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects Other people think that in today s world subjects like Sciene and Technology are more important than History 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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