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Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.3

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 3
Many experts believe begin learning a foreign language at primary school is better than start that in secondary school. In my opinion, begin learning a foreign language early have the benefits for children more than late study because younger children can learn the language quickly. Beginning to study a foreign language in secondary school can save hire teacher cost of primary school. If the primary school settles in a rural area and have a few teachers, learning a national language is more important than other languages. Some rural areas in developing countries, money should spend on hiring a national language teacher more than hiring a foreign language teacher because read and write their national language is necessary for children more. Some primary school in a rural area of Thailand can use less money for the operation, that school has teachers who can teach only Thai languages for students, for example. Some schools have to save teacher hiring, whereas some school not. A Primary school that has enough budget for operation can start teaching a foreign language. Younger children can learn the language quicker and easier, when they are learning a foreign language early they can use these languages fluently. My mother, for instance, she studied both Chinese language and Thai language when she was a girl that made she can use both these languages fluently. It is better to learn a foreign language as early as they can. In conclusion, start learning a foreign language in secondary school can save the education budget, but begin learning a foreign language early is giving children the benefits more.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
experts believe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
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learning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is better than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
that in secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. In my opinion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
have the benefits for
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children
more than late study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
younger
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children
can learn the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
quickly
.

Beginning to study a
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foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
can save hire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
settles in a rural area and have a few
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teachers
,
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learning
a national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
rural areas in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
, money should spend on hiring a national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
more than hiring a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
read and write their national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
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school
in a rural area of Thailand can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
less money for the operation, that
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school
has
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teachers
who can teach
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Thai
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
for students,
for example
.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
Some
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schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
save
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teacher
hiring, whereas
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some
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school
not. A
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Primary
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school
that has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
budget for operation can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
teaching a
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foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. Younger
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children
can learn the
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language
quicker and easier, when they are
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learning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
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early
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
fluently
. My mother,
for instance
, she studied both Chinese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and Thai
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
when she was a girl that made she can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
both these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
fluently
. It is better to learn a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
as they can.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
can save the education budget,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
is giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the benefits more.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
66Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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