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Some people think that watching sports in one’s free time is just waste of time. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.3

Some people think that watching sports in one’s free time is just waste of time. v. 3
Some people hold the opinion that it is such a waste of free time to watch sport. I disagree with this view. In my opinion, watching sports can enhance bonding within communities and promote a healthier lifestyle among individuals. Watching sport on television or from the gallery is an opportunity for people to come together and cheer for their team. Fans watching the game together may have different status in life and they may endorse different religious beliefs or political ideologies. However, when they watch the game, they have only one concern in the world and that is to see their team emerge victorious. Obviously, sporting events bring people closer and help them forget their differences. When their team wins an international match, it is celebration time for all of them. Sports even ignite patriotic feelings in people. Community bonding is not the only benefit of watching sports. When people watch their favourite sportspersons in action, they feel encouraged to stay fit and live a healthier life. Teenagers, in particular, adore sporting heroes and want to emulate their lifestyle. Needless to say, people who watch sports matches regularly tend to live physically active lives. They are also healthier. For example, a recent study showed that there was a 30% increase in gym memberships during the recently held World Cup Football championship. By contrast, watching other television shows or engaging in other activities during free time does not produce this effect. This is because the content is less inspiring and it does not motivate people to change their lifestyle. Thus, it is evident that watching sports in free time motivates people to engage in physical activity and live healthier lives. To conclude, watching sports is not a waste of time. It promotes stronger bonding within communities and leaves a positive impact on people by encouraging them to pursue a healthy way of life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold the opinion that it is such a waste of free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. I disagree with this view. In my opinion, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can enhance bonding within communities and promote a healthier lifestyle among individuals.

Watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
on television or from the gallery is an opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
together and cheer for their team. Fans watching the game together may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
status in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
they may endorse
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
religious beliefs or political ideologies.
However
, when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
the game, they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one concern in the world and
that is
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their team emerge victorious.
Obviously
, sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
closer and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them forget their differences. When their team wins an international match, it is celebration
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for all of them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
even ignite patriotic feelings in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Community bonding is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefit of watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
Possible spelling mistake found.
sportspersons
in action, they feel encouraged to stay fit and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a healthier life.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
,
in particular
, adore sporting heroes and want to emulate their lifestyle. Needless to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
matches
regularly
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
physically
active
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. They are
also
healthier.
For example
, a recent study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that there was a 30% increase in gym memberships during the recently held World Cup Football championship. By contrast, watching other television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
or engaging in other activities during free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
does not produce this effect. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the content is less inspiring and it does not motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their lifestyle.
Thus
, it is evident that watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
motivates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to engage in physical activity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
healthier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

To conclude
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is not a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. It promotes stronger bonding within communities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by encouraging them to pursue a healthy way of life.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Some people think that watching sports in one’s free time is just waste of time. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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