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1. Some people believe that technology has made man more sociable and others think that it has made us less sociable. Discuss both views and give your opinion? v.2

1. Some people believe that technology has made man more sociable and others think that it has made us less sociable. v. 2
Many people agree the advancement in technology is a medium for social interaction among people, whereas others believe that with the use of technology humans are becoming less sociable. In my opinion, I do believe the development in technology has paved way for people to be more extrovert and socially active. Many individuals have this opinion that with the use of internet facilities and many social networking applications has made possible for people to interact with their loved ones and friends living in any part of the world. To be more precise, hi-tech applications has removed the barrio of geographical boundary among the nation as many businesses and giant organisations can carry out their business meeting though video conference, thus saving the time and money on travel. To elucidate, social networking websites like Facebook, Skype has made it easy for people talk to their family members sharing their ideas, feeling and emotions. However, some people have this notion that with the advancements in computers children are becoming introvert, spending most of their time playing video games or watching movies. To simply state excess use of technology deprives of real human interaction, which is an important aspect of every bond. To illustrate, according to the research report of World Health Organisation in 2018 states the more the 50% of the young generations do not indulge in physical activities such as playing football, cricket, instead are more interested to play online games, as a result it not only affects their cognitive development but also leads to health issues like obesity, diabetic problems, weak eyesight and so on. To conclude, I vehemently agree that modern technology has made individuals to be more interactive as well as build a strong communication and bond among the humanity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
the advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is a medium for social interaction among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, whereas others believe that with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
humans are becoming less sociable. In my opinion, I do believe the development in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has paved way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be more extrovert and
socially
active.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
individuals have this opinion that with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of internet facilities and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
social networking applications has made possible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to interact with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones and friends living in any part of the world. To be more precise, hi-tech applications has removed the barrio of geographical boundary among the nation as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
businesses and giant
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
can carry out their business meeting though video conference,
thus
saving the time and money on travel. To elucidate, social networking websites like Facebook, Skype has made it easy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
talk to their family members sharing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, feeling and emotions.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have this notion that with the advancements in computers children are becoming introvert, spending most of their time playing video games or watching movies. To
simply
state excess
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
deprives of real human interaction, which is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect of every bond. To illustrate, according to the research report of World Health
Possible spelling mistake. 'Organisation' is British English.
Organisation
in 2018 states the more the 50% of the young generations do not indulge in physical activities such as playing football, cricket,
instead
are more interested to play online games,
as a result
it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affects their cognitive development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
leads to health issues like obesity, diabetic problems, weak eyesight and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
To
conclude, I
vehemently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made individuals to be more interactive
as well
as build a strong communication and bond among the humanity.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay 1. Some people believe that technology has made man more sociable and others think that it has made us less sociable. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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