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1. Some people believe that it is important to give gifts to friends and family to show that we care about them. Others think that there are better ways to show that we care. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

1. Some people believe that it is important to give gifts to friends and family to show that we care about them. Others think that there are better ways to show that we care. v. 1
It is true that with the growing alternation in the technology affected the world by converting it into a materialization. Although, it would be resulted in the teenagers having a dominating behaviour. The essay will discuss about the main reasons for this and steps that are taken to avoid it. To begin with, the major factors that responsible for the aggressiveness of the pupil are lack of guidance from their parents and imparting a new technology to them. Although, in most of the nuclear families, both the parents are working, the children will spend their entire day alone and watch the TV. Momentarily, there are many violent broadcasts on tv, which has a detrimental effect on the psychology of a child. Moreover, in the materialistic world the latest electronic gadgets are influencing the youth; even the price of such item is high enough. Such a technology has faded up politeness and patience from the young generation. For example, the Internet also provides video which gives how to earn more money in less time by doing some wrong task. On the other side, to make the younger one more disciplined and obligations there are certain steps that must be taken by the parents and schools as well. The first precaution steps are that they need to continue guidance and parents has to spend time with the children, give them, nurture about the tradition like how people behave in the past with their oldster. By doing this they learn the discipline and after spending time they become oblige. The other precautionary idea is that the government should have to make straighten law in which bands shows which represent the criminal activities. For instance, the school also helps by conducting an extra class which shows the person as an ideal citizen by showing their behaviour. In conclusion, it can be analysed that a juvenile behaviour is changed by the some tv shows showing atrocity and leaving alone. This would be avoided by the strict instructing them. The government should also control this as everyone knows that the younger one is the future of the nation.
It is true that with the growing alternation in the technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the world by converting it into a materialization.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, it would
be resulted
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
having a dominating
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. The essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
main reasons for this and steps that
are taken
to avoid it.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the major factors that responsible for the aggressiveness of the pupil are lack of guidance from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and imparting a new technology to them. Although, in most of the nuclear families, both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are working, the children will spend their entire day alone and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the TV.
Momentarily
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
violent broadcasts on
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
, which has a detrimental effect on the psychology of a child.
Moreover
, in the materialistic world the latest electronic gadgets are influencing the youth; even the price of such item is high
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. Such a technology has faded up politeness and patience from the young generation.
For example
, the Internet
also
provides video which gives how to earn more money in less time by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
task.

On the other side, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the younger one more disciplined and obligations there are certain steps that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and schools
as well
. The
first
precaution steps are that they need to continue guidance and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
spend time with the children, give them, nurture about the tradition like how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
behave in the past with their oldster. By doing this they learn the discipline and after spending time they become oblige. The other precautionary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
straighten law in which bands
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
which represent the criminal activities.
For instance
, the school
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
by conducting an extra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the person as an ideal citizen by showing their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

In conclusion
, it can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
that a juvenile
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
by the
Did you mean "same"?
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
showing atrocity and leaving alone. This would
be avoided
by the strict instructing them. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
also
control this as everyone knows that the younger one is the future of the nation.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 1. Some people believe that it is important to give gifts to friends and family to show that we care about them. Others think that there are better ways to show that we care. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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