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The diagram below shows how potato chips are made. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. v.1

The diagram below shows how potato chips are made.
It is often believed by some sections of society that, animals are a living creature for which, they should be treated fairly like human beings. In contrast to this, others think, pets can be utilized for myriads of medical experiments and a source of food. Following essay will discuss both arguments and how such a problem can be solved if human responsibly use animals for the development of mankind. Nowadays, problems associated with the negative impact of imprudent human activities towards animals have become a great concern. In other words, some people believed that god has created animals to live like us and human shouldn’t kill or destroy them for his personal use and entertainment. They are worried about cruel acts of mankind will extinct many species of animals. For example, a recent survey said that, by every year number of tigers are decreasing significantly and there are very few countries remain where such creatures are still surviving. Hence many human acts have brought theft on innocent animals’ life. On the other hand, from the time of civilization has come to exist, we employed animals to have a better life. Because of the increase in necessity of medical researches to find cures for illnesses, scientist start conducting their most of the biological experiments on pets. In addition, many people use pets not only as a food, but also as a prime occupational source. For instance, in the Nashik city, poultry business is the main source of income of many individuals. Therefore, such an important species proves to be useful in many ways to a society. In conclusion, as a living thing, animals also deserves an equal right as humans. In my opinion, considering so many needs of such a creature, for better life in the world we should employ them for development and progress instead of entertainment.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sections of society that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are a living creature for which, they should
be treated
fairly
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings.
In contrast
to this, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, pets can
be utilized
for myriads of medical experiments and a source of food. Following essay will discuss both arguments and how such a problem can
be solved
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
responsibly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for the development of mankind.

Nowadays, problems associated with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of imprudent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
activities towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
have become a great concern.
In other words
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believed that god has created
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
like us and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
shouldn’t kill or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
them for his personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and entertainment. They
are worried
about cruel acts of mankind will extinct
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
species of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
For example
, a recent survey said that, by every year number of tigers are decreasing
significantly
and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few countries remain where such creatures are
still
surviving.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
acts have brought theft on innocent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals’
life.

On the other hand
, from the time of civilization has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to exist, we employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to have a better life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the increase in necessity of medical researches to find cures for illnesses, scientist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
conducting their most of the biological experiments on pets.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
pets not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
as a food,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
as a prime occupational source.
For instance
, in the Nashik city, poultry business is the main source of income of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals.
Therefore
, such an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
species proves to be useful in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to a society.

In conclusion
, as a living thing,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
also
deserves an equal right as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
. In my opinion, considering
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
needs of such a creature, for better life in the world we should employ them for development and progress
instead
of entertainment.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay The diagram below shows how potato chips are made.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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