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Modern technology is creating a single world culture. Do you agree or disagree and give reasons and examples v.1

Modern technology is creating a single world culture. and give reasons and examples v. 1
It has been seen that a significant number of workers is doing jobs for later hours and are feeling more anxious than in the past. The main reason associated with work-related stress is fierce-competition in the job market and the most viable solution is to make clear communication with the staff. Rising competition among workers is the primary reason for the stress of employees due to the fact that they are aware that there are numerous highly qualified and experienced candidates who are trying to secure their placement, so workers strive to meet the unrealistic deadlines set by their employer by working even after their working hours as if they failed to complete the task before the given deadline; they would be fired by the boss and the job would be assigned to the highly experienced individuals. For example, a recent government survey found that 70% of workers are suffering from primary stress at the workplace due to the fear of getting fired at any time. However, to tackle this problem the employer should have to make their goals and demands clear to the staff so that the workers would be aware of what their employer is expecting from them. Therefore, it helps to maintain a good employee and employer relation which may be a win-win situation for both the worker and the employer as it boosts the confidence of workers if they would not have fear of losing a job and it results in increased productivity that helps the business to grow. For instance, a similar initiative in Japan resulted in flourishing businesses as workers worked without stress and with security. To conclude, while striving to save their work, people often put themselves under stress, nevertheless, it can be curbed as employers allow their staff to work according to their calibre by sharing the aim of the organisation.
It has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that a significant number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
is doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for later hours and are feeling more anxious than in the past. The main reason associated with work-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
is fierce-competition in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market and the most viable solution is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
communication with the staff.

Rising competition among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
is the primary reason for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
of employees due to the fact that they are aware that there are numerous
highly
qualified and experienced candidates who are trying to secure their placement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
strive to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the unrealistic deadlines set by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
by working even after their working hours as if they failed to complete the task
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
deadline; they would
be fired
by the boss and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
would
be assigned
to the
highly
experienced individuals.
For example
, a recent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
survey found that 70% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
are suffering from primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
at the workplace due to the fear of getting fired at any time.

However
, to tackle this problem the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their goals and demands
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
to the staff
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
would be aware of what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
is expecting from them.
Therefore
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to maintain a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
employee and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
relation which may be a win-win situation for both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
as it boosts the confidence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
if they would not have fear of losing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and it results in increased productivity that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the business to grow.
For instance
, a similar initiative in Japan resulted in flourishing businesses as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
worked without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
and with security.

To conclude
, while striving to save their work,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
put themselves under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
,
nevertheless
, it can
be curbed
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their staff to work according to their
Possible spelling mistake. 'calibre' is British English.
calibre
by sharing the aim of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Modern technology is creating a single world culture. and give reasons and examples v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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