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181. In your country, is there more need for land to be left in its natural condition or is there more need for land to be developed for housing and industry? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

181. In your country, is there more need for land to be left in its natural condition or is there more need for land to be developed for housing and industry? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
Whether lands need to be left in its natural condition or used for housing and industry, is a controversial issue. Although countries are racing to develop their industry and empower their economy, environmentalists warned about the future of our planet, if we keep continuing this way. The country, where I live, is almost wide with a tropical climate, and there are a few flourishing regions. Therefore, the vast majority are interested to have villas in these regions. Hence, the government and people need to undertake a policy to control the amount of housing in these regions, to maintain a better country for our generation and for generations to come. There is a broad consensus on the necessity of protecting the environment from human activities. And my people are not an exception. The huge amount of hosing is damaging the nature. And the needs of national will to control this situation is ever increasing. Most of the flourishing and green region, without any consideration from the government, is now occupied by tall buildings and lots of villas. Moreover, huge contamination that is caused by increasing population has damaged these regions. Wherever humans enter they caused pollution and disaster together. there is a famous quote from a scientist that said if all the insects were to disappear from the world, within 50 years all sorts of life will ruin, and if all the humans were to disappear all kind of life will be flourished. And that is a sad fact. All in all, the whole world needs to rethink their approach toward the environment. We cannot afford to continue this way. We must view it as more than just some sort of resource and stop racing in overusing it. We need to keep balance. Although developing the industry and housing is ameliorating our lives, leaving some part of the environment in its natural condition must be taken seriously.
Whether lands
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
in its natural condition or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for housing and industry, is a controversial issue.

Although countries are racing to develop their industry and empower their economy, environmentalists warned about the future of our

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
planet
, if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
continuing this way. The country, where I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, is almost wide with a tropical climate, and there are a few flourishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
.
Therefore
, the vast majority
are interested
to have villas in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
.
Hence
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to undertake a policy to control the amount of housing in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
, to maintain a better country for our generation and for generations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
.

There is a broad consensus on the necessity of protecting the environment from human activities. And my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not an exception. The huge amount of hosing is damaging the nature. And the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of national will to control this situation is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ever increasing
. Most of the flourishing and green
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
, without any consideration from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
occupied by tall buildings and lots of villas.
Moreover
, huge contamination that
is caused
by increasing population has damaged these regions.

Wherever humans enter they caused pollution and disaster together.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
there
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
quote from a scientist that said if all the insects were to disappear from the world, within 50 years all sorts of life will ruin, and if all the humans were to disappear all kind of life will
be flourished
. And
that is
a sad fact.

All in all, the whole world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to rethink their approach toward the environment. We cannot afford to continue this way. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
view it as more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of resource and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
racing in overusing it.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
We
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
balance. Although developing the industry and housing is ameliorating our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, leaving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of the environment in its natural condition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
seriously
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay 181. In your country, is there more need for land to be left in its natural condition or is there more need for land to be developed for housing and industry? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
316 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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