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In your country, is there more need for land to be left in its natural condition or is there more need for land to be developed for housing and industry? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

In your country, is there more need for land to be left in its natural condition or is there more need for land to be developed for housing and industry? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
While a marriage function signifies the starting of a married life, it is observed, in this day and age, the expenses of marital celebrations have increased tenfold. This is because of the increased level of income and an influence of celebrities. In my opinion, it is an adverse trend as it increases unnecessary expenses. There are several reasons for grand weddings. Firstly, there is an increase in the income level of people because of ever growing globalisation. Multinational companies have their subsidiaries all over the world, offering high packages. Secondly, because of social media, normal people have access to the actors and elite peoples' marriages. Youngsters tend to get influenced by the photographs and videos shared by celebrities and then they try to replicate their weddings like them. Take a recent survey done by The Big Fat Indian Wedding Industry for example. This survey highlights that the concept of destination wedding has increased at a mammoth rate. This example speaks volume about the craze of lavish weddings and the root cause behind it. In my opinion, this affects the society negatively because it increases unwanted spending. It is needless to say that fancy weddings often burn a hole in one’s pocket because of the cost involved in the preparation. This not only hampers the savings of an individual, but also increases consumerism. Case in point, Japan government has recently released a survey stating middle class couples avail loans to execute their extravagant weddings. This example illustrates that how individuals are shelling out all their savings to execute their larger than life marriage ceremonies. In conclusion, after gauging the above two points, it would be suitable to say that expensive weddings are the results of increased earnings and influence of wealthy people. I believe this is a negative development as it increases excessive expenses.
While a marriage function signifies the starting of a married life, it
is observed
, in this day and age, the expenses of marital celebrations have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
tenfold. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
level of income and an influence of celebrities. In my opinion, it is an adverse trend as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
unnecessary expenses.

There are several reasons for grand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weddings
.
Firstly
, there is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in the income level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of ever growing
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
. Multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have their subsidiaries all over the world, offering high packages.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of social media, normal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have access to the actors and elite peoples' marriages. Youngsters tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
influenced by the photographs and videos shared by
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
celebrities and
then they try to replicate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weddings
like them. Take a recent survey done by The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Fat
Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Wedding
Industry
for example
. This survey highlights that the concept of destination
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
at a mammoth rate. This example speaks volume about the craze of lavish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weddings
and the root cause behind it.

In my opinion, this affects the society
negatively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
unwanted spending. It is needless to say that fancy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weddings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
burn a hole in one’s pocket
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the cost involved in the preparation. This not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
hampers the savings of an individual,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
consumerism. Case in point, Japan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has recently released a survey stating middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
couples avail loans to execute their extravagant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weddings
. This example illustrates that how individuals are shelling out all their savings to execute their larger than life marriage ceremonies.

In conclusion
, after gauging the above two points, it would be suitable to say that expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weddings
are the results of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
earnings and influence of wealthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. I believe this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
excessive expenses.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay In your country, is there more need for land to be left in its natural condition or is there more need for land to be developed for housing and industry? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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