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Today, a prevalent statement we often see is that more money should be spent in supporting the art rather than cultivating athletics and holding sport events. This is because the arts could make people relax and enhance the ability of appreciating artwork v.1

Today, a prevalent statement we often see is that more money should be spent in supporting the art rather than cultivating athletics and holding sport events. This is because the arts could make people relax and enhance the ability of appreciating artwork v. 1
Today, a prevalent statement we often see is that more money should be spent in supporting the art rather than cultivating athletics and holding sport events. This is because the arts could make people relax and enhance the ability of appreciating artworks. Opponents, however, argue that the supporting of sport events values a lot. The cost of cultivating athletics should not be less than supporting the art. As far as I am concerned, the latter view seems align more with my perspective. Three reasons would suffice here to support my perspective. To begin with, holding sport events could stimulate people' s desire of doing sport. Specifically, the majority of people tend to exercise more if the government could provide an astrosphere which encourages everyone to play sport. For instance, my hometown holds up the running race every year. People who win the first place would be invited to the television program. My cousin, one of the champions, had worked hard for it, including keeping running everyday, and doing other exercise to enhance his sporting ability. My cousin had a serious disease at his young age. After his hard working to do sport, he is becoming increasingly healthy. Thus, holding more sport events could make people exercise a lot. Certainly, more exercises make people more healthy. Aside from stimulating the desire of doing sport, an in-depth reason, perhaps just as significant is that holding more sport events could help people make more friends. On the contemporary, more and more people have their own interest. Depending on a study from the University of Tokyo, 97-percent students claim that they have made friends from taking part in sport activities. This is because the people who attend the same race usually share the same topic. At least they love the same sport. I meet my best friends while playing basketball as a member of my school team, and we usually watch the NBA after school. On the contrary, assume that there is no basketball race hold, I would never meet him. Admittedly, a minority of people tend to believe that spending more money in support of the art could enhance people' s ability of appreciating artworks. Nevertheless, if we could analyze this issue from a different perspective, we could find they have oversimplified the fact that the people who love the art are less than crazy for sport. Almost everybody could join sport events and have fun. But they may have no ability of comprehending the meaning of artworks. Holding sport events could make more people enjoy. I would like to reiterate that the cost of holding sport events should not less than supporting the art. If there is anyone who still wonders whether holding sport events could stimulate the desire of doing sports, and anyone who still doubts that holding more sport events could help people make more friends, and anyone who still argues that holding sport events could make more people enjoy, this essay would be my response.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, a prevalent statement we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
is that more money should
be spent
in supporting the
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art
rather
than cultivating athletics and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
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arts
could
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make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
relax and enhance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
of appreciating artworks. Opponents,
however
, argue that the supporting of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
values a lot. The cost of cultivating athletics should not be less than supporting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. As far as I
am concerned
, the latter view
Probably a preposition is missing after 'seems'.
seems align
more with my perspective. Three reasons would suffice here to support my perspective.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
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holding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
could stimulate
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s desire of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
Specifically
, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
more if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could provide an
Possible spelling mistake found.
astrosphere
which encourages everyone to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
For instance
, my hometown holds up the running race every year.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
win the
first
place would
be invited
to the television program. My cousin, one of the champions, had worked
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for it, including keeping running
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
, and
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doing
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
to enhance his sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
. My cousin had a serious disease at his young age. After his
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, he is becoming
increasingly
healthy.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holding
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
a lot.
Certainly
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more healthy.

Aside from stimulating the desire of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, an in-depth reason, perhaps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as significant is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holding
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. On the contemporary, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
interest. Depending on a study from the University of Tokyo, 97-percent students claim that they have made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
from taking part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
activities. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
attend the same race
usually
share the same topic. At least they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
my best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
while playing basketball as a member of my school team, and we
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the NBA after school.
On the contrary
, assume that there is no basketball race hold, I would never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
him.

Admittedly
, a minority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to believe that spending more money in support of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
could enhance
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
of appreciating artworks.
Nevertheless
, if we could analyze this issue from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspective, we could find they have oversimplified the fact that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
are less than crazy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. Almost everybody could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
and have fun.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
they may have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
of comprehending the meaning of artworks.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Holding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy.

I would like to reiterate that the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
should not less than supporting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. If there is anyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
still
wonders whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
could stimulate the desire of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, and anyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
still
doubts that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holding
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, and anyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
still
argues that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy, this essay would be my response.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
89Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Today, a prevalent statement we often see is that more money should be spent in supporting the art rather than cultivating athletics and holding sport events. This is because the arts could make people relax and enhance the ability of appreciating artwork v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
496 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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