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553 what problems can people have when they are on their daily journey, for example, to work or school? v.1

553 what problems can people have when they are on their daily journey, for example, to work or school? v. 1
The issue of parents organizing private tuition for their children after school time has attracted a great deal of concern. Several individuals argue that youngsters may hugely beneficial, by stark contrast, others hold an opposite stance. In this essay, I will disseminate both the merits and demerits of students attending extra classes. It is undeniable that taking extra classes has proven its significant advantages for children in school performances and having new experiences. To begin with, the acceleration of the pace of modern society has come up with new information. Although various schools organize an 8-hour curriculum, some learners still find it difficult to acquire the lecture. To illustrate, tuitions often help students reinforcing concepts, and it is suitable for lay-backs in keeping up with peers. Another observable benefit is that children can practice their social skills. For instance, they are supposed to establishing new relationships with classmates and tutors or broaden their horizon by studying from their companies. Apart from those upsides, tutoring also holds its downsides in terms of extra burden and time-consuming. First and foremost, participating in extra classes coincides with further tasks and assignments besides ordinary homework, thus, this intensifies the pressure for juveniles that make them prone to detrimental mental syndromes, namely stress, frustration, and insomnia. What is more counterproductive of joining tutor classes is the lack of time. For instance, a full-day school curriculum is enough to make students well-rounded. Moreover, some experts indicate that student’s excess studies can noticeably affect their academic performance. To summarize, the aforementioned arguments give one a glimpse of the pros and cons of parents organizing private tuitions for their youngsters. Such tutorials tend to back up students in academic performance and holistic development, however, it also represents extra pressure and time consumption. Personally, parents should not overuse tuition as learners need to remain a balance between studying and entertainment.
The issue of parents organizing private tuition for their children after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
time has attracted a great deal of concern. Several individuals argue that youngsters may
hugely
beneficial, by stark contrast, others hold an opposite stance. In this essay, I will disseminate both the merits and demerits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
classes.

It is undeniable that taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
classes has proven its significant advantages for children in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
performances and having new experiences. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the acceleration of the pace of modern society has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with new information. Although various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
organize an 8-hour curriculum,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
learners
still
find it difficult to acquire the lecture. To illustrate, tuitions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
reinforcing concepts, and it is suitable for lay-backs in keeping up with peers. Another observable benefit is that children can practice their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For instance
, they
are supposed
to establishing new relationships with classmates and tutors or broaden their horizon by studying from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

Apart from those upsides, tutoring
also
holds its downsides in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
burden and time-consuming.
First
and foremost, participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
classes coincides with
further
tasks and assignments
besides
ordinary homework,
thus
, this intensifies the pressure for juveniles that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them prone to detrimental mental syndromes,
namely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, frustration, and insomnia.
What is more
counterproductive of joining tutor classes is the lack of time.
For instance
, a full-day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
well-rounded.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experts indicate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
excess studies can
noticeably
affect their academic performance.

To summarize
, the aforementioned arguments give one a glimpse of the pros and cons of parents organizing private
Possible spelling mistake found.
tuitions
for their youngsters. Such tutorials tend to back up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in academic performance and holistic development,
however
, it
also
represents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
pressure and time consumption.
Personally
, parents should not overuse tuition as learners need to remain a balance between studying and entertainment.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay 553 what problems can people have when they are on their daily journey, for example, to work or school? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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