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16. When a new town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centres for people to spend their free time in. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

16. When a new town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centres for people to spend their free time in. v. 1
It is not like in the past, at present, when it comes to successful town planning and implementation, there are many things to consider. There is a debate on whether it is mandatory to build shopping complexes compared to gyms and public parks. I think implementing shopping malls are equally crucial as fitness centres and recreational grounds. Undoubtedly, to be a healthy person, everyone has to do some sport or exercise. In addition to that, for peace of mind and to clam ones conscious and body, people need a beautiful cosy place to relax. Both sports facilities and public gardens provide a getaway from busy life schedules and stressful work for people. These amenities allow citizens to be fit as well as enjoy with their families in a beautiful garden and forget about the rat race they are running. Nevertheless, in a properly designed town should have shopping malls for its people to go on shopping. If the shopping centres are located in the next city, they have to travel far in modern traffic to buy the necessities losing their valuable time and money. Furthermore, usually, modern shopping complexes include movie theatres and food courts. Going out to watch a new movie at least once a month will decrease the stress and allow people to forget the stressful life and enjoy. Moreover, the food courts are the right places to gather with friends and catch up the things which have been missed, allowing to strengthen the friendships. In conclusion, I firmly believe that including public parks and sports facilities is mandatory in designing towns for people to enjoy. However, it is equally essential to build shopping malls within the city limits to save time and money of the dweller.
It is not like in the past, at present, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to successful town planning and implementation, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things to consider. There is a debate on whether it is mandatory to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
complexes compared to gyms and public parks. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
implementing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls are
equally
crucial as fitness
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
and recreational grounds.

Undoubtedly
, to be a healthy person, everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sport or exercise.
In addition
to that, for peace of mind and to clam
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
conscious and body,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
Possible spelling mistake. 'cosy' is British English.
cosy
place to relax. Both sports facilities and public gardens provide a getaway from busy life schedules and stressful work for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. These amenities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
citizens to
be fit
as well
as enjoy with their families in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
garden and forget about the rat race they are running.

Nevertheless
, in a
properly
designed town should have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls for its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to go on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
are located
in the
next
city, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
travel far in modern traffic to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the necessities losing their valuable time and money.

Furthermore
,
usually
, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
complexes include movie
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
and food courts. Going out to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a new movie at least once a month will decrease the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to forget the stressful life and enjoy.
Moreover
, the food courts are the right places to gather with friends and catch up the things which have
been missed
, allowing to strengthen the friendships.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
believe that including public parks and sports facilities is mandatory in designing towns for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to enjoy.
However
, it is
equally
essential to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls within the city limits to save time and money of the dweller.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay 16. When a new town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centres for people to spend their free time in. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
289 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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