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When new towns are planned, it is more important to include public parks and sports facilities than shopping centres for people to spend their free time in. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.2

When new towns are planned, it is more important to include public parks and sports facilities than shopping centres for people to spend their free time in. with this statement? v. 2
When it comes to planning a new town, there are many issues that it's challenging for citizens. Some people do believe that public parks and sports facilities should be attached more significance than shopping malls. However, I disagree with the point of view. I concede that shopping malls have a degree of importance in city plans. One reason for this is that shopping is, to some extent, necessary, and therefore these areas should be centrally located. If they are not, people typically have to commute to them, in turn putting strain on the transport infrastructure. What this can do is create cities that are permanently gridlocked. Another is that commercial areas are beneficial to local economies. Compared to, public parks and sports facilities, shopping centre not only provide leisure space and recreation but also bring in economic benefits. This means it has many considerable tax contributions and create job opportunities for local people. Therefore, creating a thriving economy can attract new dwellers and investors for faster city growth. A shopping mall is always located in the downtown area, while public parks and sports facilities are often found on the outskirts of a city. A town with fancy shopping malls can bring an urban vibe into the city. As the town grows rapidly, these places will be surrounded by roads and skyscrapers. Thus, it would lead to traffic congestion in the prosperous land. Besides, the land price will become more expensive. These public parks and sports facilities is non used. To sum up, it is better built shopping malls ahead of public parks and sports facilities. The conclusion not only made based on economic factors, but also in order to long-term considerations.
When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to planning a new town, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues that it's challenging for citizens.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities should
be attached
more significance than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
.
However
, I disagree with the point of view.

I concede that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
have a degree of importance in city plans. One reason for this is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is, to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, necessary, and
therefore
these areas should be
centrally
located. If they are not,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
typically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
commute to them, in turn putting strain on the transport infrastructure. What this can do is create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
that are
permanently
gridlocked. Another is that commercial areas are beneficial to local economies. Compared to,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provide leisure space and recreation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
bring in economic benefits. This means it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
considerable tax contributions and create job opportunities for local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Therefore
, creating a thriving economy can attract new dwellers and investors for faster city growth.

A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
is always located in the downtown area, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
found on the outskirts of a city. A town with fancy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
can bring an urban vibe into the city. As the town grows
rapidly
, these places will
be surrounded
by roads and skyscrapers.
Thus
, it would lead to traffic congestion in the prosperous land.
Besides
, the land price will become more expensive. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities is non
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.

To sum up, it is better built
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
ahead of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities. The conclusion not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
made based on economic factors,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in order to long-term considerations.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay When new towns are planned, it is more important to include public parks and sports facilities than shopping centres for people to spend their free time in. with this statement? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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