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As the transportation and accommodation problem increases in big cities, some governments are encouraging the business move from the city to the rural area. Do the advantages of the outweigh the disadvantages? v.3

As the transportation and accommodation problem increases in big cities, some governments are encouraging the business move from the city to the rural area. Do the advantages of the outweigh the disadvantages? v. 3
Transportation has increased massively and along with this accommodation problem is not far behind it in the developed cities. Hence, some state authorities are trying to shift the business from urban areas to the rural regions. Firstly, these two factors plays an important role in the modern world where international meetings take place. To begin with, globalization has brought a lot of change and this has led many students and families migrate to the cities. As a result accommodation has been an issue over the past two decades. For instance, few towns have turned out to be empty, since most of the people had to leave their native town for various job purposes. Consequently, transportation is indispensable for employees and workers to move to their companies. In a recent research it is found almost 80% own a private vehicle which adds to the traffic problems. In order to deal with this, governments are trying to shift the focus back to the rural areas which can definitely help people by allowing them to stay at their native places and work in there. Furthermore, this also helps to improve the development of backward regions of the state. I think this is a big advantage as this encourages the job opportunities by establishing new industries and they can become a major centre for conducting internal business meetings. Hence, minimizing the concerns caused by transport and accommodation. To conclude, this move will certainly foster job prospects and also at the same time allow world class top companies to expand their branches in every town of the city which in turn improves the diversity of the state.
Transportation has increased
massively
and along with this accommodation problem is not far behind it in the developed cities.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
state authorities are trying to shift the business from urban areas to the rural regions.
Firstly
, these two factors plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the modern world where international meetings take place.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, globalization has brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and this has led
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students and families migrate to the cities.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result accommodation has been an issue over the past two decades.
For instance
, few towns have turned out to be empty, since most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their native town for various job purposes.
Consequently
, transportation is indispensable for employees and workers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. In a recent research it
is found
almost 80%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a private vehicle which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
to the traffic problems.

In order to deal with this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are trying to shift the focus back to the rural areas which can definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
by allowing them to stay at their native places and work in there.
Furthermore
, this
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the development of backward regions of the state. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
advantage as this encourages the job opportunities by establishing new
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
industries and
they can become a major
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
for conducting internal business meetings.
Hence
, minimizing the concerns caused by transport and accommodation.

To conclude
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
will
certainly
foster job prospects and
also
at the same time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
top
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to expand their branches in every town of the city which in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the diversity of the state.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay As the transportation and accommodation problem increases in big cities, some governments are encouraging the business move from the city to the rural area. Do the advantages of the outweigh the disadvantages? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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