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It is better for people to be unemployed than to be employed but they do not enjoy. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

It is better for people to be unemployed than to be employed but they do not enjoy. v. 1
Many people hold the belief that being out of work is better than working without passion for the job. From my perspective, I completely agree with this viewpoint for several reasons. The first argument given to support my opinion is that being jobless bring about plenty of time which could help one devote their time and effort to develop themselves personally and professionally. In this case, if employers can have more time to gain valuable experience and job-related skills, they will be more likely to have a better job prospect. In fact, many employers are often impressed by those with a big resume gap if these workers have good preparation as they think that those newly-hired candidates can become a major asset to the company. Another rationale behind my belief is the fact that doing an unsatisfying job can have some inimical effects on an individual’s physical and mental health. Advocates of this view often argue that these jobs often go hand in hand with long working hours and accordingly, many workers often feel enervated after a long day at work followed by stress and pressure. By way of illustration, many Vietnamese students often choose medicine as a career without having any interest in this field because they think that this job is prestigious and well paid. When they become a doctor, they often suffer from burn out and being exhausted in their early career due to long hours of a working day. In conclusion, I totally agree with this view that many employers should be out of a job rather than remain in the job that they do not like.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold the belief that being out of work is better than working without passion for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. From my perspective, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this viewpoint for several reasons.

The
first
argument
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to support my opinion is that being jobless bring about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of time which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
one devote their time and effort to develop themselves
personally
and
professionally
.
In this case
, if employers can have more time to gain valuable experience and job-related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, they will be more likely to have a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
prospect. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employers are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
impressed by those with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
resume gap if these workers have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
preparation as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that those
newly
-hired candidates can become a major asset to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

Another rationale behind my belief is the fact that doing an unsatisfying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
inimical effects on an individual’s physical and mental health. Advocates of this view
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
argue that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
go hand in hand with long working hours and
accordingly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
feel enervated after a long day at work followed by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and pressure. By way of illustration,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Vietnamese students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
choose medicine as a career without having any interest in this field
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is prestigious and well paid. When they become a doctor, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
suffer from burn out and
being exhausted
in their early career due to long hours of a working day.

In conclusion
, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employers should be out of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
rather
than remain in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that they do not like.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay It is better for people to be unemployed than to be employed but they do not enjoy. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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