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As the transportation and accommodation problem increases in big cities, some governments are encouraging the business move from the city to the rural area. Do the advantages of the outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

As the transportation and accommodation problem increases in big cities, some governments are encouraging the business move from the city to the rural area. Do the advantages of the outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
Yes. Of course. Switching the business from city to rural areas will be having a lot of advantages over drawbacks, if there are traffic and accomodation cost are higher in cities, compared to rural areas. We can see these problems in many of the developed cities, all over the world. Government should take necessary steps in order to avoid huge traffic in the city and scarcity of accomodation by urging the companies to move their business to the rural areas in the country. Firstly, the major advantage is that traffic in cities will be reduced to the minimum as a result of these changes. Moreover, it will make people think, to move from cities to rural areas and the rent in cities will reduce to a certain extend. As businesses move to rural areas, those places also will get developed and people live there will have more job opportunities, which can help them to promote their living standards. Thus, the government can maintain the equilibrium in the country's economy. Even though, these changes will increase the cost of transportation for companies to provide goods and services to their customers, who is always based in cities. Still the companies can compensate these additional expenses through reduction in rent. Government should provide tax reductions or benefits for the companies who are willing to relocate their business. This will give motivation to other companies to do the same. In conclusion, These kind of changes can promote economic stability across the country and government will be able to control the city transportation problems and accomodation scarcity.
Yes.
Of course
. Switching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
from city to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
will be having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advantages over drawbacks, if there are traffic and
Possible spelling mistake found.
accomodation
cost are higher in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
these problems in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, all over the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should take necessary steps in order to avoid huge traffic in the city and scarcity of
Possible spelling mistake found.
accomodation
by urging the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
in the country.

Firstly
, the major advantage is that traffic in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to the minimum
as a result
of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
Moreover
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
and the rent in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
to a certain
Did you mean the noun "extent"?
extend
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, those places
also
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
developed and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
there will have more job opportunities, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to promote their living standards.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can maintain the equilibrium in the country's economy.

Even though
, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
will increase the cost of transportation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services to their customers, who is always based in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Still
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
can compensate these additional expenses through reduction in rent.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should provide tax reductions or benefits for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
who are willing to relocate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. This will give motivation to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to do the same.

In conclusion
,
Did you mean "this kind" or "These kinds"?
These kind
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
can promote economic stability across the country and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
will be able to control the city transportation problems and
Possible spelling mistake found.
accomodation
scarcity.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay As the transportation and accommodation problem increases in big cities, some governments are encouraging the business move from the city to the rural area. Do the advantages of the outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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