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If your school planned to offer an additional class, what class would you want itto be and why? v.1

If your school planned to offer an additional class, what class would you want itto be and why? v. 1
With the increase in working hours at the office, employees have been experiencing higher stress levels than ever before. This essay will first suggest that unrealistic deadlines as the main causes for longer office hours, eventually leading to mental health issues, and further emphasis that by hiring adequate staff and proper delegation of responsibilities, employers can help address this issue. Employees are also pressurized by their bosses to complete projects within unreasonable deadlines, which leads to further stress and anxiety. As a consequence, office goers have to work overtime to meet the target date, leading to dissatisfaction, depression and other mental issues. To exemplify, a recent study conducted in 2017 by The national institute of neurology found that more than 70 percent of people diagnosed with some form of clinical depression, had mentioned over-work and other work related issues as their major cause of stress. Employers can play a crucial role in addressing this issue by regularly checking and ensuring, that hiring is done as per the work size, and any mismatch is addressed at the earliest. In other words, having adequate staff would promote equitable division of duties and assignments along with maintaining reasonable deadlines, leading to employees having elevated levels of satisfaction and higher productivity. To illustrate, one of my friends who regularly complained of work-related stress and was prescribed anti-depressants for the same, showed significant recovery once new hiring was initiated by his company and his workload got reduced. To conclude, people to work for extra hours in offices, eventually feeling high levels of pressure. The major cause for this scenario is less number of employees working and impractical timeline set by the bosses and this can be solved employers hiring sufficcient employees and proper delegaton of tasks
With the increase in working hours at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
have been experiencing higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
levels than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. This essay will
first
suggest that unrealistic deadlines as the main causes for longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
hours,
eventually
leading to mental health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
, and
further
emphasis that by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hiring
adequate staff and proper delegation of responsibilities, employers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
address this issue.

Employees are
also
pressurized by their bosses to complete projects within unreasonable deadlines, which leads to
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and anxiety. As a consequence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
goers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
overtime to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the target date, leading to dissatisfaction, depression and other mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
. To exemplify, a recent study conducted in 2017 by The national institute of neurology found that more than 70 percent of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
diagnosed with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
form of clinical depression, had mentioned over-work and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
as their major cause of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

Employers can play a crucial role in addressing this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
by
regularly
checking and ensuring, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hiring
is done
as per the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
size, and any mismatch
is addressed
at the earliest.
In other words
, having adequate staff would promote equitable division of duties and assignments along with maintaining reasonable deadlines, leading to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
having elevated levels of satisfaction and higher productivity. To illustrate, one of my friends who
regularly
complained of work-related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and
was prescribed
anti-depressants for the same,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
significant recovery once new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hiring
was initiated
by his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and his workload
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for extra hours in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offices
,
eventually
feeling high levels of pressure. The major cause for this scenario is less number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
working and impractical timeline set by the bosses and this can
be solved
employers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hiring
Possible spelling mistake found.
sufficcient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and proper
Possible spelling mistake found.
delegaton
of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
tasks
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay If your school planned to offer an additional class, what class would you want itto be and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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