Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Which activity is the best for children to develop themselves, joining in a sports team, doing community service or travelling to other cities? v.1

Which activity is the best for children to develop themselves, joining in a sports team, doing community service or travelling to other cities? v. 1
With the increase in working hours at the office, employees have been experiencing higher stress levels than ever before. This essay will first suggest that inadequate number of employees and unrealistic deadlines are the main causes for longer office hours, eventually leading to mental health issues, and further emphasis that by hiring adequate staff and proper delegation of responsibilities, employers can help address this issue. It is often observed that most workplaces are understaffed, which leads to improper division of responsibilities. In other words, management has a tendency to save cost by hiring an insufficient number of people, which eventually results in overburdening the existing staff with excess work. To elucidate, a recent survey conducted in Mumbai, Downtown area, by The Times showed that 80 percent of the offices were under-staffed by almost 30 percent. Employers can play a crucial role in addressing this issue by regularly checking and ensuring, that hiring is done as per the work size, and any mismatch is addressed at the earliest. In other words, having adequate staff would promote equitable division of duties and assignments along with maintaining reasonable deadlines, leading to employees having elevated levels of satisfaction and higher productivity. To illustrate, one of my friends who regularly complained of work-related stress and was prescribed anti-depressants for the same, showed significant recovery once new hiring was initiated by his company and his workload got reduced. To conclude, people to work for extra hours in offices, eventually feeling high levels of pressure. The major cause for this scenario is less number of employees working and impractical timeline set by the bosses and this can be solved employers hiring sufficcient employees and proper delegaton of tasks
With the increase in working hours at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
have been experiencing higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
levels than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. This essay will
first
suggest that inadequate number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and unrealistic deadlines are the main causes for longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
hours,
eventually
leading to mental health issues, and
further
emphasis that by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hiring
adequate staff and proper delegation of responsibilities, employers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
address this issue.

It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
observed that most workplaces
are understaffed
, which leads to improper division of responsibilities.
In other words
, management has a tendency to save cost by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hiring
an insufficient number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, which
eventually
results in overburdening the existing staff with excess work. To elucidate, a recent survey conducted in Mumbai, Downtown area, by The Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 80 percent of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offices
were under-staffed by almost 30 percent.

Employers can play a crucial role in addressing this issue by
regularly
checking and ensuring, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hiring
is done
as per the work size, and any mismatch
is addressed
at the earliest.
In other words
, having adequate staff would promote equitable division of duties and assignments along with maintaining reasonable deadlines, leading to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
having elevated levels of satisfaction and higher productivity. To illustrate, one of my friends who
regularly
complained of work-related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and
was prescribed
anti-depressants for the same,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
significant recovery once new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hiring
was initiated
by his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and his workload
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to work for extra hours in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offices
,
eventually
feeling high levels of pressure. The major cause for this scenario is less number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
working and impractical timeline set by the bosses and this can
be solved
employers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hiring
Possible spelling mistake found.
sufficcient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and proper
Possible spelling mistake found.
delegaton
of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
tasks
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Which activity is the best for children to develop themselves, joining in a sports team, doing community service or travelling to other cities? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts