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Some people choose friends who are different from themselves. Others choose friends who are similar to themselves. Compare the advantages of having friends who are different from you with the advantages of having friends who are similar to you. Which kin v.1

Some people choose friends who are different from themselves. Others choose friends who are similar to themselves. Compare the advantages of having friends who are different from you with the advantages of having friends who are similar to you. Which kin v. 1
It is observed by many that the species of animals are getting decline as the numbers of lions, tigers and other animals are reducing at an alarming rate. Even some of the species are wiped out from the planet. The main cause of this disappearance is devastation of trees and hunting. Government and society have to take immediate strict actions towards protesting forest and killing animals’ ratio, which is increasing with the rapid rate. The destruction of the forest is the major reason; the jungle is the house of the animals. Human beings are cutting down the trees to construct their own residential and commercial buildings. To save their own life, individuals are ready to destroy the nature through motor vehicle which pollute to the whole universe. Animals are not able to breathe and ultimately got die by inhaling the polluted air and drinking impure water. Rich people are hunting to animals for the sake of their entertainment. Numerous people are killing lions to save their own self from the attacks. Number of animals and birds are hunting to use their skin or body parts to decorate homes only. Official persons should ban the cutting of trees to construct the buildings; people should save the green environment to increase the life span of all the living beings. Pool system should follow to decrease the number of cars on the roads and then pollution will be quite less, consequently air and water quality will get improved automatically. Heavy fine and penalty should be imposed on the hunter, every individual should be trained and educate to learn the importance of the balance environment which human being cannot do alone. The trend to decorate and eat the animals’ skin or body should be eliminated as soon as possible otherwise one day man will be the reason of his own destruction. In conclusion, animals can be saved by taking some moves and for this proper education should be proved to children in their elementary schools, thus their upbringing will occurred with environment friendly thoughts. Flora and fauna both are equally important to make an adequate balance of the earth, otherwise one day everything will get eclipsed.
It
is observed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that the species of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are getting decline as the numbers of lions, tigers and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are reducing at an alarming rate. Even
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
species
are wiped
out from the planet. The main cause of this disappearance is devastation of trees and hunting.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
and society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take immediate strict actions towards protesting forest and killing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals’
ratio, which is increasing with the rapid rate.

The destruction of the forest is the major reason; the jungle is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. Human beings are cutting down the trees to construct their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
residential and commercial buildings. To save their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life, individuals are ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the nature through motor vehicle which pollute to the whole universe.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Animals
are not able to breathe and
ultimately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
by inhaling the polluted air and drinking impure water. Rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are hunting to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for the sake of their entertainment. Numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are killing lions to save their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
self from the attacks. Number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and birds are hunting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their skin or body parts to decorate homes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

Official persons should ban the cutting of trees to construct the buildings;
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should save the green environment to increase the life span of all the living beings. Pool system should follow to decrease the number of cars on the roads and then pollution will be quite less,
consequently
air and water quality will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
automatically
. Heavy fine and penalty should
be imposed
on the hunter, every individual should
be trained
and educate to learn the importance of the balance environment which human being cannot do alone. The trend to decorate and eat the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals’
skin or body should
be eliminated
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible
otherwise
one day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
will be the reason of his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
destruction.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
can
be saved
by taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
and for this proper education should
be proved
to children in their elementary schools,
thus
their upbringing will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "occur"
occurred
with environment friendly thoughts. Flora and fauna both are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an adequate balance of the earth,
otherwise
one day everything will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
eclipsed.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people choose friends who are different from themselves. Others choose friends who are similar to themselves. Compare the advantages of having friends who are different from you with the advantages of having friends who are similar to you. Which kin v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
362 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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