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Now a days the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected personal relationships. Has his become a positive or negative development. v.1

Now a days the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected personal relationships. Has his become a positive or negative development. v. 1
The advancement in a technology has altered the way of people interact with each other. People often talk either this shift is a positive or a negative impact on the development of relationships those humans make. In my opinion, its benefits outweigh its drawbacks. To begin with, technology has many positive aspects to make a relationship stronger and better by improving the field of  a communication. Today, a multitude of companies works with their customers through an online platform. Moreover, they built a strong link with a customer through their all day services using the Internet. This progress of a science  plays  an essential role in the life of people, who are far away from their families, working in foreign countries. Now, they are kept in touch  with their beloved ones via Whatsapp, Facebook, and Skype. For instance,   in earlier times,   human has sent or received a message through a letter by using the service of a postman. But, now these days, they have instantly talked with each other. On the other hand, it has brought a number of negative effects in the lives of humans. It is a direct attack on their social life. People do not want to meet their family members. Whereas, they are pleased with virtual friends of a social media. A relation development through technology is not a  time resistant and have a lack of trust. For example, a study conducted in the USA which reveals that 75% of high school children  depute their 50% time  on the Internet. To conclude, the interaction between people entirely depends on  the way they use a machinery. It brings many useful aspects in human lives, but it has also affected their privacy.
The advancement in a technology has altered the way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
interact with each other.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
talk either this shift is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the development of relationships those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
. In my opinion, its benefits outweigh its drawbacks.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, technology has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a relationship stronger and better by improving the field of
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
a communication.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, a multitude of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
works with their customers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
an online platform.
Moreover
, they built a strong link with a customer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
their all day services using the Internet. This progress of a science
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
plays
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
an essential role in the life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who are far away from their families, working in foreign countries.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in touch
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
with their beloved ones via
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whatsapp
, Facebook, and Skype.
For instance
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
in earlier times,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
or received a message
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
a letter by using the service of a postman.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
these days, they have
instantly
talked with each other.

On the other hand
, it has brought a number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
. It is a direct attack on their social life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
do not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their family members.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
pleased
with virtual friends of a social
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "medium"?
media
. A relation development
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
technology is not a
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
time resistant and have a lack of trust.
For example
, a study conducted in the USA which reveals that 75% of high school children
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
depute their 50% time
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
on the Internet.

To conclude
, the interaction between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
entirely
depends on
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
the way they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a machinery. It brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
useful aspects in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
their privacy.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Now a days the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected personal relationships. Has his become a positive or negative development. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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