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It is sometimes said that a high salary is the most important factor in choosing a job. Do you agree? v.2

It is sometimes said that a high salary is the most important factor in choosing a job. Do you agree? v. 2
It is certainly true that payment is a necessary thing to consider in preferring a line of work, but it is not the most important one. This argument will be proven that a harmonious workplace and love of work are the leading factors in choosing a job. For one, working with people in our job area harmoniously is more significantly weighed in job preference than what a person may earn. For example, I am currently working as an ICU (Intensive Care Unit) nurse in a tertiary level and a private hospital called the Urdaneta Sacred Heart Hospital here in the Philippines, and I have chosen to work in this unit because I have too many companions in the hospital. My workmate, friendship and support for my career growth are things that I considered more important than my earnings every month. So I believe that working in a harmonious environment is more about taking into considerations. In addition to this, loving what we do is as important as working in an habitat harmoniously when choosing an occupation. For instance, I have a strong compassion for other people, especially for the elderly as well as I love touching their lives make a difference, which is nursing is all about. Thus, I preferred to become an ICU nurse. I am also certain that all of the professionals chose their line of occupation because they are happy with what they are actually doing. In conclusion, harmoniously interacting with our co-workers in our work habitat and being satisfied with what we are doing are the most important considerations in selecting a job. It is not the salary. So choose an occupation with a supportive environment and that you are happy to do with.
It is
certainly
true that payment is a necessary thing to consider in preferring a line of
work
,
but
it is not the most
important
one. This argument will
be proven
that a harmonious workplace and
love
of
work
are the leading factors in choosing a job.

For one,
working
with
people
in our job area
harmoniously
is more
significantly
weighed in job preference than what a person may earn.
For example
, I am
currently
working
as an ICU (Intensive Care Unit) nurse in a tertiary level and a private hospital called the
Urdaneta
Sacred Heart Hospital here in the Philippines, and I have chosen to
work
in this unit
because
I have too
many
companions in the hospital. My workmate, friendship and support for my career growth are things that I considered more
important
than my earnings every month.
So
I believe that
working
in a harmonious environment is more about taking into considerations.

In addition
to this, loving what we do is as
important
as
working
in
an
habitat
harmoniously
when choosing an occupation.
For instance
, I have a strong compassion for other
people
,
especially
for the elderly
as well
as I
love
touching their
lives
make
a difference, which is nursing is all about.
Thus
, I preferred to become an ICU nurse. I am
also
certain that
all of the
professionals chose their line of occupation
because
they are happy with what they are actually doing.

In conclusion
,
harmoniously
interacting with our co-workers in our
work
habitat and
being satisfied
with what we are doing are the most
important
considerations in selecting a job. It is not the salary.
So
choose an occupation with a supportive environment and that you are happy to do with.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay It is sometimes said that a high salary is the most important factor in choosing a job. Do you agree? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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