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1- what sort of food do you like eating most? why? 2- who normally does the cooking in your home? why? 3- Do you watch cookery programmes on TV? why/why not? 4- In general, do you prefer eating out or eating at home? why? v.1

1- what sort of food do you like eating most? why? 2- who normally does the cooking in your home? why? 3- Do you watch cookery programmes on TV? why/why not? 4- In general, do you prefer eating out or eating at home? why? v. 1
Early education models are on debate frequently. Whereas some argue that children under 10 should be allowed to choose their courses already, others claim that until this age children should course all the same subjects. In my opinion, children enrolled in middle school should be taught all the same subject. First of all, respecting children's own interests regarding learning topics is important. It is common that some children are more interested in one subject than another. In addition, children at the middle school can grasp important concepts easily, and this should be used to align with their own desires. Thus, presenting children around 10 years old to the subjects of their interest is a way to promote their success on the topic; moreover, a way of increasing the chances of a successful adult. On the other hand, is reasonable to demand that all children are given the same courses. Important subjects like math and history must be taught to everyone, because these subjects make the foundation of human knowledge. Furthermore, in order to build a society with equal opportunities it is necessary to present all individuals to similar conditions. Otherwise, a child that focused only on technical subjects since a young age will have difficulties in performing critical thinking. Hence, more specialized subjects should be chosen in a freewill, but in the high school and so on. In conclusion, in order to prepare the children to build a society capable of critical thinking and with equal opportunities, regular subjects need to be taught to everyone. However, it is important to respect each one interests, and that can be done by allowing students at the high school to choose some of their subjects.
Early education models are on debate
frequently
. Whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
under 10 should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to choose their courses already, others claim that until this age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should course all the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
enrolled in middle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should
be taught
all the same subject.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, respecting children's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
interests regarding learning topics is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
. It is common that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more interested in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
than another.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at the middle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
can grasp
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
concepts
easily
, and this should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to align with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
desires.
Thus
, presenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
around 10 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
of their interest is a way to promote their success on the topic;
moreover
, a way of increasing the chances of a successful adult.

On the other hand
, is reasonable to demand that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the same courses.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like math and history
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taught
to everyone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the foundation of human knowledge.
Furthermore
, in order to build a society with equal opportunities it is necessary to present all individuals to similar conditions.
Otherwise
, a child that focused
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
since a young age will have difficulties in performing critical thinking.
Hence
, more specialized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should
be chosen
in a freewill,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

In conclusion
, in order to prepare the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to build a society capable of critical thinking and with equal opportunities, regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
need to
be taught
to everyone.
However
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to respect each one interests, and that can
be done
by allowing students at the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to choose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay 1- what sort of food do you like eating most? why? 2- who normally does the cooking in your home? why? 3- Do you watch cookery programmes on TV? why/why not? 4- In general, do you prefer eating out or eating at home? why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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