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People living in the country can give better care to their families than those in cities. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

People living in the country can give better care to their families than those in cities. v. 1
There are a variety of several perspectives on the question that whether youths or the elderlies use more creativity in case of professional occupations and business works. The majority of people state that younger employees are more creative than middle-ages. Nevertheless, some believe that old practiced members of staff have a sufficient insight to manage the tasks in an innovative approach. I surprisingly agree with both sides. In the following essay my reasons will be discussed. At first, I believe that young workforces are usually highly educated, and as a result of training in the internet era, they generally have the ability to use cutting-edge software. Moreover, they are more up-to-date, in comparison to older workers. Thus, this could lead them to solve problems with new methods. For instance, they can simply benefit from new gadgets and applications, which have been designed to increase productivity at work. The second reason to support my claim is that new generation acts beyond the mental limits that earlier generation used to imagine. In other words, no obstacle could easily prevent the youngs from going forward. Therefore, they turn their weaknesses into strengths. Owing to their imaginative mind, the blurred border between the real world and the dream world they want to build, motivate their creativity and give them the opportunity to devise new things and create new ideas. With regard to the second claim, a brilliant reason to leave the works to skilled workers is that they are responsible for their duties. Consequently, they take less risk of performing strange ideas, and this causes them to act conservatively. To sum up, all staff members, regardless of their age could have beneficial influences in the professional environment. Experienced and old employees have sufficient knowledge to run the business, whereas young staff innovate state-of-the-art approaches to succeed the company. It seems that using the combination of young and fresh brains with skilled workers would be the best choice for companies and businesses.
There are a variety of several perspectives on the question that whether youths or the
Possible spelling mistake found.
elderlies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
more creativity in case of professional occupations and business works. The majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
state that younger employees are more creative than middle-ages.
Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
practiced members of staff have a sufficient insight to manage the tasks in an innovative approach. I
surprisingly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with both sides. In the following essay my reasons will
be discussed
.

At
first
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
Possible spelling mistake found.
workforces
are
usually
highly
educated, and
as a result
of training in the internet era, they
generally
have the ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
cutting-edge software.
Moreover
, they are more up-to-date,
in comparison
to older workers.
Thus
, this could lead them to solve problems with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
methods.
For instance
, they can
simply
benefit from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
gadgets and applications, which have
been designed
to increase productivity at work.

The second reason to support my claim is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
generation acts beyond the mental limits that earlier generation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to imagine.
In other words
, no obstacle could
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "young", the plural form of the noun 'young'?
youngs
from going forward.
Therefore
, they turn their weaknesses into strengths. Owing to their imaginative mind, the blurred border between the real world and the dream world they want to build, motivate their creativity and give them the opportunity to devise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things and create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.

With regard to the second claim, a brilliant reason to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the works to skilled workers is that they are responsible for their duties.
Consequently
, they take less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of performing strange
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, and this causes them to act
conservatively
.

To sum up, all staff members, regardless of their age could have beneficial influences in the professional environment. Experienced and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
employees have sufficient knowledge to run the business, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
staff innovate state-of-the-art approaches to succeed the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. It seems that using the combination of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
and fresh brains with skilled workers would be the best choice for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and businesses.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay People living in the country can give better care to their families than those in cities. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
327 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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