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Where would you like to donate your money to; Community charity, environmental or animal protection, or library? v.1

Where would you like to donate your money to; Community charity, environmental or animal protection, or library? v. 1
Some people say zoos are the place where wildlife animals can be protected and take care properly, while others argue that locking up animals’ freedom in zoos are morally wrong. This essay will be discussed both sides of this issue, and then will give my own opinions on the matter. On the one hand, there are some reasons that people think the zoo is inhumane. To begin with, the zoo has limited the freedom of animals by imprisoning them instead of letting them travel freely in the forest and then living their natural life. Moreover, the animals are not treated properly at the zoo. For example, some animals-training at the zoo is difficult to entertain just because they take money cut of them. Then, this can lead to stress and serious illness to animals, which cause reduce of their lifespan. The zoo is the solution proposed by some above reasons. On the other hand, the zoo is meant to protect the wildlife species to save the future generations of those animals. Initially, some countries’ zoos are unprofitable to do a wildlife rescue plan that sending many groups across the forest to look for endangered species and take them to the zoo to provide the appropriate nourishment. If the zoo is closed, the animals in the red list would be dead. Furthermore, the zoo is also an education place where students are able to come here to research for their project and does not dangerous because of better security at the zoo. To sum up, some zoos have their own positive impacts on the animal species, personally, I think they need to improve the better protection and food for animals so that will not more harm than good.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say zoos are the place where wildlife
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
can
be protected
and take care
properly
, while others argue that locking up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals’
freedom in zoos are
morally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. This essay will
be discussed
both sides of this issue, and then will give my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinions on the matter.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the zoo is inhumane. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the zoo has limited the freedom of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
by imprisoning them
instead
of letting them travel
freely
in the forest and then living their natural life.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are not treated
properly
at the zoo.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
animals-training at the zoo is difficult to entertain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they take money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
of them. Then, this can lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and serious illness to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, which cause
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
of their lifespan. The zoo is the solution proposed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
above reasons.

On the other hand
, the zoo
is meant
to protect the wildlife species to save the future generations of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
Initially
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries’ zoos are unprofitable to do a wildlife rescue plan that sending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
groups across the forest to look for endangered species and take them to the zoo to provide the appropriate nourishment. If the zoo
is closed
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in the red list would be dead.
Furthermore
, the zoo is
also
an education place where students are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
here to research for their project and does not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of better security at the zoo.

To sum up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
zoos have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
species,
personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the better protection and food for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that will not more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Where would you like to donate your money to; Community charity, environmental or animal protection, or library? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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