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1-1. What are the characteristics of a good neighbor? Use reasons and details to supportyour response. v.1

1-1. What are the characteristics of a good neighbor? Use reasons and details to supportyour response. v. 1
In recent times, the sales of common goods in our society does not correspond with the real demands of people, but the level of advertisement. This is a real concern and I completely agree with this view. In our daily lives, everywhere we go, we are often bombarded with loads of adverts on Tv in our homes and public places. These are specifically designed by marketing specialists to target the innocent consumer and make them purchase the product being advertised. For example, a lot of people purchase fast foods and drinks, which are unhealthy. They do not really want to buy them, but the psychological effect of the adverts, registered in their subconscious compels them to. Another reason why I believe this view is true is because most companies are profit driven. The majority of companies in our societies would go to any length to maximise sales, including aggressive marketing. This makes people acquire a lot of items they do not really need. For instance, most homes have a lot of useless junk in their garage, that they were compelled to buy due to the influence of the advert. Also, If these big companies are not all about making more money, the major adverts should be targeting real needs of the society like job opportunities. Unfortunately, this is not the case. In conclusion, it is true that advertising influences the goods we purchase and does not reflect the real needs of our society. In my opinion, I agree because most companies prioritise profit making over satisfying the wants of people.
In recent times, the sales of common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
does not correspond with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
demands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the level of advertisement. This is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
concern and I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view.

In our daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, everywhere we go, we are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
bombarded with loads of adverts on
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tv
in our homes and public places. These are
specifically
designed by marketing specialists to target the innocent consumer and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the product
being advertised
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
foods and drinks, which are unhealthy. They do not
really
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the psychological effect of the adverts, registered in their subconscious compels them to.

Another reason why I believe this view is true is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are profit driven. The majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
would go to any length to
Possible spelling mistake. 'maximise' is British English.
maximise
sales, including aggressive marketing.
Did you mean "these"?
This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
acquire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
items they do not
really
need.
For instance
, most homes have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
useless junk in their garage, that they
were compelled
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
due to the influence of the advert.
Also
, If these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are not all about making more money, the major adverts should be targeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
needs of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
like job opportunities. Unfortunately, this is not the case.

In conclusion
, it is true that advertising influences the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
and does not reflect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
needs of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritise' is British English.
prioritise
profit making over satisfying the wants of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay 1-1. What are the characteristics of a good neighbor? Use reasons and details to supportyour response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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