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07/11/2017 Team activities can teach more skills for life than other activities which are played alone. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

07/11/2017 Team activities can teach more skills for life than other activities which are played alone. v. 2
Many aver group activities are more beneficial for personal development than activities that are done alone. I personally disagree with this prospect and below some reasons on which my opinion is based will be discussed in details. On the one hand, team activities have many benevolent facets. Firstly, participating in such games as football, baseball and basketball allows folks to learn how to be a part of a team when a common goal to win and to conquer a rival team becomes more important than personal achievements. In fact, this skill is essential for being successful in today’s workplace. Secondly, doing group activities such as a big project or a pivotal assignment provides a person with an indispensable opportunity to lead and to be led by others. Consequently, an individual acquires valuable experience and new models of conduct that will be useful later in life. Those are several advantageous knacks that are associated with taking part in team activities. On the other hand, there are people who point to many advantages that can be gotten through playing alone. Primarily, the development of such a crucial personal characteristic as independence is attributed to studying or doing another activity on one’s own. This ability appears to be essential for being prosperous because only this kind of people is capable of leading other and achieving high goals. Furthermore, skills to motivate oneself and to set goals are seen by many businesspeople as desirable because having those kills is connected with a higher productivity and achieving needed aims; and both knacks are being formed when a folk plays of works alone. To sum up, although team activities indeed forge some useful and positively perceived skills for life, doing such activities that do not require participation of others creates willful and independent people and provides them with a large set of important personal skills that are beneficial for life as well. So, it seems both types of activities are equally important.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
aver group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are more beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
development than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that
are done
alone. I
personally
disagree with this prospect and below
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons on which my opinion
is based
will
be discussed
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benevolent facets.
Firstly
, participating in such games as football, baseball and basketball
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
folks to learn how to be a part of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
when a common goal to win and to conquer a rival
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
becomes more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
achievements. In fact, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
is essential for being successful in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s workplace.
Secondly
, doing group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
project or a pivotal assignment provides a person with an indispensable opportunity to lead and to
be led
by others.
Consequently
, an individual acquires valuable experience and new models of conduct that will be useful later in life. Those are several advantageous knacks that
are associated
with taking part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
activities.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who point to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages that can
be gotten
through playing alone.
Primarily
, the development of such a crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
characteristic as independence
is attributed
to studying or doing another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
on one’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. This ability appears to be essential for being prosperous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this kind of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is capable of leading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and achieving high goals.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to motivate oneself and to set goals are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
businesspeople as desirable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
having those kills
is connected
with a higher productivity and achieving needed aims; and both knacks are
being formed
when a folk plays of works alone.

To sum up, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
indeed
forge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
useful and
positively
perceived
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
for life, doing such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that do not require participation of others creates willful and independent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and provides them with a large set of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that are beneficial for life
as well
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it seems both types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay 07/11/2017 Team activities can teach more skills for life than other activities which are played alone. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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