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04/10/2017Team activities can teach more skills for life than other activities which are played alone. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

04/10/2017Team activities can teach more skills for life than other activities which are played alone. v. 2
Many aver participation in activities that are done in groups can give more skills and experiences than taking part in events that are played alone. I disagree with this prospect and below the reasons on which my stance is based will be discussed in details. On the other hand, participating in team activities provides the players with an opportunity to benefit. Firstly, humans are social animals and our predecessors lived in groups and this tradition is continuing nowadays. In fact, the ability to get on well with others is essential for being successful and efficient in a contemporary society. For an instance, playing such team sports as football, volleyball, basketball, hockey and baseball let young athletes learn how to communicate effectively and be a part of a larger system. Secondly being able to learn how to lead and submit to a will of a chief is another advantage that may be acquired while doing group activities. A young gamer could understand what role is more comfortable, convenient and appropriate for him and this experience will help the youngster to develop his personality in accordance with his natural inclinations and abilities. Those are several skills that are gotten through working with others. On the other hand, doing some activities on your own develops a number of benevolent knacks as well. Primarily, a kid may build self-confidence. People’s opinions about themselves, their abilities and place in society are crucial determinants of human conduct and a child who get used to act on his own and to win without outside help will likely develop a strong belief in own strengths. This feeling could be an enormous merit that will allow him to become a prosperous and well-known individual in adulthood. Furthermore, playing and preparing for such sports activities as running on short and long distances, swimming as well playing chess or video games demand from young descendants to be able to organize themselves. This is a knack that is indispensable for studying, working and even having a family because a person who can organize life could get things done in time. Those traits are developed better in activities that are done without others. To sum up, the belief team activities are more fruitful than those that are played alone appears to be rather unsound due to a wide variety of skills that are learned while playing without others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
aver participation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that
are done
in groups can give more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and experiences than taking part in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
that
are played
alone. I disagree with this prospect and below the reasons on which my stance
is based
will
be discussed
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, participating in team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
provides the players with an opportunity to benefit.
Firstly
, humans are social animals and our predecessors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in groups and this tradition is continuing nowadays. In fact, the ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
on well with others is essential for being successful and efficient in a contemporary society. For an instance,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
such team sports as football, volleyball, basketball, hockey and baseball
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
young athletes learn how to communicate
effectively
and be a part of a larger system.
Secondly
being able to learn how to lead and submit to a will of a chief is another advantage that may
be acquired
while doing group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. A young gamer could understand what role is more comfortable, convenient and appropriate for him and this experience will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the youngster to develop his personality in accordance with his natural inclinations and abilities. Those are several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that
are gotten
through working with others.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
on your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
develops a number of benevolent knacks
as well
.
Primarily
, a kid may build self-confidence.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
’s opinions about themselves, their abilities and place in society are crucial determinants of human conduct and a child who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to act on his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and to win without outside
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
will likely develop a strong belief in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
strengths. This feeling could be an enormous merit that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
him to become a prosperous and well-known individual in adulthood.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
and preparing for such sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
as running on short and long distances, swimming
as well
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
chess or video games demand from young descendants to be able to organize themselves. This is a knack
that is
indispensable for studying, working and even having a family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a person who can organize life could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
things done in time. Those traits
are developed
better in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that
are done
without others.

To sum up, the belief team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are more fruitful than those that
are played
alone appears to be
rather
unsound due to a wide variety of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that
are learned
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
without others.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay 04/10/2017Team activities can teach more skills for life than other activities which are played alone. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
395 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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