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05/11/2017Nowadays many people are diagnosed with anorexia what do you think the causes of this are? What can be done to improve the situation? v.2

05/11/2017Nowadays many people are diagnosed with anorexia what do you think the causes of this are? What can be done to improve the situation? v. 2
Anorexia is seen by many like a plague of XXI century because a number of those who were diagnosed with the illness keeps growing steadily. Below possible causes of the trend and actions that can be done to fight it back will be discussed in details. To begin with, many aver the main source of the problem is today’s society with its unrealistic standards of attractiveness that are being promoted by supermodels, singers and actors. Any person who watches movies or reads magazines may decide she or he is not beautiful or handsome enough and anorexia will be developed. Furthermore, some psychological and sociological studies demonstrate individuals may get anorexia in response to difficult or challenging situations. Experts claim when a person loses control over his or her life, developing anorexia may be perceived as a way to overcome the issue and get a feeling of being in charge. Those are several factors that contribute to the advancement of the trend. However, the troublesome trend may be effectively addressed. Firstly, novel and more realistic standards of beauty must be designed and then imposed. If manufacturers of fashionable goods and expensive clothes hire normally built males and females, the understanding of what is attractive to the public will change and the viewers of the commercials and performances will not absorb unachievable standards of appearance. In fact, Germany, France, Spain, Italy and the United Kingdom have passed novel edicts that will regulate body size and weight of models that show clothes. Secondly, anorexia is a disease and if it is spotted early, it can be cured relatively quickly and cheaply. Thus, governments, public organizations and charities must focus their attention and effort on raising awareness of the public. The implementation of this idea may dramatically decrease the number of deaths from the illness. Those are possible actions that might alleviate the discussed issue. To sum up, the mass media and advertising forge fantastic standards to sell promoted products. If the sellers are forced to lower their requirements to actions’ appearance and public’s awareness is increased, the trend may be stopped or even turned around.
Anorexia is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
like a plague of XXI century
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a number of those who
were diagnosed
with the illness
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
growing
steadily
. Below possible causes of the trend and actions that can
be done
to fight it back will
be discussed
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aver the main source of the problem is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s society with its unrealistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standards
of attractiveness that are
being promoted
by supermodels, singers and actors. Any person who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
movies or reads magazines may decide she or he is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
or handsome
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
and anorexia will
be developed
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
psychological and sociological studies demonstrate individuals may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
anorexia in response to difficult or challenging situations. Experts claim when a person loses control over
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
life, developing anorexia may
be perceived
as a way to overcome the issue and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a feeling of being in charge. Those are several factors that contribute to the advancement of the trend.

However
, the troublesome trend may be
effectively
addressed.
Firstly
, novel and more realistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standards
of beauty
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be designed
and
Did you mean "than"?
then
imposed. If manufacturers of fashionable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and expensive clothes hire
normally
built males and females, the understanding of what is attractive to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and the viewers of the commercials and performances will not absorb unachievable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standards
of appearance. In fact, Germany, France, Spain, Italy and the United Kingdom have passed novel edicts that will regulate body size and weight of models that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
clothes.
Secondly
, anorexia is a disease and if it
is spotted
early, it can
be cured
relatively
quickly
and
cheaply
.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
organizations and charities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
focus their attention and effort on raising awareness of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
. The implementation of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
may
dramatically
decrease the number of deaths from the illness. Those are possible actions that might alleviate the discussed issue.

To sum up, the mass media and advertising forge fantastic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standards
to sell promoted products. If the sellers
are forced
to lower their requirements to actions’ appearance and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public’s
awareness
is increased
, the trend may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
or even turned around.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay 05/11/2017Nowadays many people are diagnosed with anorexia what do you think the causes of this are? What can be done to improve the situation? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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