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05/11/2017Nowadays many people are diagnosed with anorexia what do you think the causes of this are? What can be done to improve the situation? v.1

05/11/2017Nowadays many people are diagnosed with anorexia what do you think the causes of this are? What can be done to improve the situation? v. 1
It is argued that more refuge ought to be welcomed by the rich countries and facilitate them with basic needs, such as sustenance and shelter. I completely disagree with this statement because when they come to the receiving state they do not own that country and they also put strain on the health and education system. The main reason why financially strong nations should not accept the refugees is because they do not own that state where they come as a refugee. And they create many problems in that state, such as, they do corruption as well as they become involved in drug supply in the state. For example, a recent survey conducted by the Forest university in Canada that the people who are involved in drugs dealing are the ones who came from different parts of the world to Canada as a refugee. The second main reason is that they want to be treated like nationals. They put a strain on the health and education system of that state who accepts them. They want jobs in public sectors and when do not get the jobs they curse the nation. For instance, there is a report of The New York Times that people who came from different parts of the world are demanding jobs in public sectors in Chicago. However, some refugees are capable enough of doing their own business and give the financial benefit to that country where they came as a refugee. In conclusion, although some refugees give benefits to the nation, I believe wealthier countries should not welcome the refugees because do not think that country as their own country.
It
is argued
that more refuge ought to
be welcomed
by the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and facilitate them with basic needs, such as sustenance and shelter. I completely disagree with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the receiving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
that
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
country and
they
also
put strain on the health and education system.

The main reason why
financially
strong nations should not accept the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugee
. And they create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
, such as, they do corruption
as well
as they become involved in drug supply in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
.
For example
, a recent survey conducted by the Forest university in Canada that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are involved
in drugs dealing are the ones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
came from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world to Canada as a refugee.

The second main reason is that they want to
be treated
like nationals. They put a strain on the health and education system of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
accepts them. They want jobs in public sectors and when do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the jobs they curse the nation.
For instance
, there is a report of The New York Times that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
came from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world are demanding jobs in public sectors in Chicago.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
are capable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
of doing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business and give the financial benefit to that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
where they came as a refugee.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
give benefits to the nation, I believe wealthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should not welcome the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 05/11/2017Nowadays many people are diagnosed with anorexia what do you think the causes of this are? What can be done to improve the situation? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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