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More money should be spending on citizen's welfare on or weapon. Give your opinion. Given reasons and examples for your answer. v.2

More money should be spending on citizen's welfare on or weapon. Give your opinion. Given reasons and examples for your answer. v. 2
Nowadays, scenario has been changed as compare to past that local authorities has started spending more money on citizen' s welfare rather than spending on weapons. i believe that it is necessary to fulfill citizens need consequently they should spend money for welfare of citizen. At the outset, the mindset of local councils have changed and started spending on citizen' s welfare because of some reasons. The prime reason behind this is that for the growth of the country as well as for the betterment of an individuals. so they started spending on different sectors which will help people in different ways. For instance, authorities are spending on education and health sector which are butter and bread for an individual due to which child' s future will be brighter and also by spending on health the ratio of healthy people to unhealthy people will be burgeoning. Moreover, now different nations are living peacefully ergo no need of spending more money on weapon but is they spend on public sector and proliferating the tax on products which will help in GDP of the nation. Also by spending within the nation problems can be curtailed among mankind. For example, Hitler, the king of the Germany during second world war, just spent money on weapons which result in the change in behavior of each and every person toward Hitler. Henceforth, to avoid all this kind of problems they should spend money on welfare of citizen. To recapitulate, it is better to spend more money on welfare of citizen for support and also for brighter future of nation.
Nowadays, scenario has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
as compare to past that local authorities has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
citizen&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
welfare
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on weapons.
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe that it is necessary to fulfill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
need
consequently
they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
welfare
of citizen.

At the outset, the mindset of local councils have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
citizen&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
welfare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons. The prime reason behind this is that for the growth of the country
as well
as for the betterment of
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "an individual" or simply "individuals"?
an individuals
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sectors which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways.
For instance
, authorities are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on education and health sector which are butter and bread for an individual due to which
Possible spelling mistake found.
child&
#039; s future will be brighter and
also
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on health the ratio of healthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to unhealthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will be burgeoning.

Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are living
peacefully
ergo no need of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on weapon
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
is they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
on public sector and proliferating the tax on products which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in GDP of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
within the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
problems can
be curtailed
among mankind.
For example
, Hitler, the king of the Germany during second world war,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
spent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on weapons which result in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in behavior of each and every person toward Hitler. Henceforth, to avoid all this kind of problems they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
welfare
of citizen.

To recapitulate, it is better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
welfare
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizen
for support and
also
for brighter future of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay More money should be spending on citizen's welfare on or weapon. Give your opinion. Given reasons and examples for your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
264 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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