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Young people should spend more time on cultural activities such as music or theatre nd less time on sport How far do you agree with this statement v.2

Young people should spend more time on cultural activities such as music or theatre nd less time on sport How far v. 2
It is sometimes argued that young people should spend their time on cultural activities such as music, flim or theatre. However, other people think that playing sport is better for young people. In my opinion, both culture and sports are significant parts of life so young people should do a mixture of both. On the one hand, it is undeniable that cultural activities are good for the health of the mind and spirit. Besides, it allow young people to be cretive and experience diffrent worlds such as learning about culture, customs or languages from other countries. Furthermore, when people go to the theatre, they can learn a musical instrument can be more experience. Nevertheless, sports activities can be less experience but it can good for the health. Sports gives young people the chance to exercise, which is important for health reasons. In addition, sports also teaches young people about rules and teamwork. For example, if you take part in a sport team, solidarity will help you win every opponent. On the one hand, if you do only one type of activity, just sport activitites or cultural activities can be bad. For instance, many young people concentrate on one activity in order to become the best, like young sport stars. This can put a lot of pressure on them and make them less interesting than someone who does a variety of things. In conclusion, I believe that young people should have the chance to do a variety of activities and that a balance of sport and cultural activities is best.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should spend their time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as music,
Possible spelling mistake found.
flim
or
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
.
However
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In my opinion, both culture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are significant parts of life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should do a mixture of both.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the health of the mind and spirit.
Besides
, it
Did you mean "allows"?
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be
Possible spelling mistake found.
cretive
and experience
Possible spelling mistake found.
diffrent
worlds such as learning about culture, customs or languages from other countries.
Furthermore
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go to the
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
, they can learn a musical instrument can be more experience.
Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can be less experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the health.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "Sport gives" or "Sports give".
Sports gives
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the chance to exercise, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for health reasons.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
also
teaches
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and teamwork.
For example
, if you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
team, solidarity will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you win every opponent.

On the one hand, if you do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
Possible spelling mistake found.
activitites
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
concentrate on one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
in order to become the best, like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
stars. This can put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
pressure on them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them less interesting than someone who does a variety of things.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have the chance to do a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and that a balance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
is best.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS academic Young people should spend more time on cultural activities such as music or theatre nd less time on sport How far v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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