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THE GRAPHS BELOW COMPARE THE AVERAGE WEEKLY EARNINGS OF MALE AND FEMALE GRADUATES AND NON GRADUATES v.2

THE GRAPHS BELOW COMPARE THE AVERAGE WEEKLY EARNINGS OF MALE AND FEMALE GRADUATES AND NON GRADUATES v. 2
The graph contrast the weekly payment between men and women who are graduated or non graduated among different ages in pound, In details the group of men between forty to fifty nine who are educated were able to catch seven hundred pound for each week that is much more than others. As chart indicates, The lowest money arrived to people who are not graduated between sixteen to nineteen by two hundred pound, furthermore, The highest salary which is seven hundred gave to graduated men between ages of forty to fifty nine, what is more, The group of non educated men from thirty to fifty nine earning approximately five hundred pound every week, Also in the category of women in the chart which shows that in the age of twenty five to fifty nine in graduated we have the same prices fee which is four hundred pound, surprisingly in both graduated or non graduated women and men among ages of twenty to twenty four the weekly earning is equal near to three hundred. In surmise men earning much more than women as chart illustrates, moreover, people who are graduated were able to catch more money in contrast by non educated, also ages from forty to fifty nine have the peak-est earning, In comparing group of sixteen to nineteen have lowest one.
The graph contrast the weekly payment between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are graduated
or
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non graduated
among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
in pound, In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
the group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between forty and fifty".
between forty to fifty
nine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are educated
were able to catch seven hundred
Possible agreement error. The noun 'pound' seems to be countable, so consider using: "pounds".
pound
for each week
that is
much more than others.

As chart indicates, The lowest money arrived to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not graduated
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between sixteen and nineteen".
between sixteen to nineteen
by two hundred
Possible agreement error. The noun 'pound' seems to be countable, so consider using: "pounds".
pound
,
furthermore
, The highest salary which is seven hundred gave to graduated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
of forty to
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
fifty nine
,
what is more
, The group of
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
from thirty to
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
fifty nine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
approximately five hundred
Possible agreement error. The noun 'pound' seems to be countable, so consider using: "pounds".
pound
every week,
Also
in the category of
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women
in the chart which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
twenty five
to
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
fifty nine
in graduated we have the same prices fee which is four hundred
Possible agreement error. The noun 'pound' seems to be countable, so consider using: "pounds".
pound
,
surprisingly
in both graduated or
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non graduated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
of twenty to
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
twenty four
the weekly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
is equal near to three hundred.

In surmise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
much more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
as chart illustrates,
moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are graduated
were able to catch more money
in contrast
by
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non educated
,
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
from forty to
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
fifty nine
have the peak-est
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
, In comparing group of sixteen to nineteen have
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
one.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS academic THE GRAPHS BELOW COMPARE THE AVERAGE WEEKLY EARNINGS OF MALE AND FEMALE GRADUATES AND NON GRADUATES v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
220 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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