Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The pie charts show the result of a survey of children’s activities. The first chart shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second chart shows the activities in which the girls participate. v.2

The pie charts show the result of a survey of children’s activities. The first chart shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second chart shows the activities in which the girls participate. v. 2
The charts show the percentage of different cultural and leisure activities spent by people (male and female) in the world. Overall, it is immediately apparent that computer games show their superiority over the other cultural and leisure activities that boys spent. However, most girls spent time on dancing compared to other activities. Regarding the activities that boys participate in, computer games have a larger percentage at 34% ̶ the greatest proportion ̶ than other activities. This is followed by sport activities, listening to music, and reading. While the former are basket ball(26%), soccer(17%), and skateboarding(11%), the two latter are listed at 10% and 2 % each. Turning to the participation of girls in cultural and leisure activities, there is a higher spending of time on dancing, which is accounted for 27% that is the largest percentage of this section. Afterwards, the second greatest proportion that girls participate is reading (21%) and not only is this followed by netball and computer games ̶ stand around 15% ̶ but also by gymnastics and listening to music that are the smallest proportion of girls participation ̶ list about 10%.
The charts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the percentage of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultural and leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
spent by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
(male and female) in the world.
Overall
, it is immediately apparent that computer games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their superiority over the other cultural and leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that boys spent.
However
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
spent time on dancing compared to other activities.

Regarding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that boys participate in, computer games have a larger percentage at 34% ̶ the greatest proportion ̶ than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. This
is followed
by sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, listening to music, and reading. While the former are basket ball(26%), soccer(17%), and skateboarding(11%), the two latter
are listed
at 10% and 2 % each.

Turning to the participation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
in cultural and leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, there is a higher spending of time on dancing, which
is accounted
for 27%
that is
the largest percentage of this section. Afterwards, the second greatest proportion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
participate is reading (21%) and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
is this followed by netball and computer games ̶ stand around 15% ̶
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
by gymnastics and listening to music that are the smallest proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
participation ̶ list about 10%.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS academic The pie charts show the result of a survey of children’s activities. The first chart shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second chart shows the activities in which the girls participate. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
186 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts