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Describe a game or sport you enjoy playing You should say What kind of sport it is Who you play it with Where you play it and explain why you enjoy playing it v.2

Describe a game or sport you enjoy playing You should say What kind of sport it is Who you play it with Where you play it and explain why you enjoy playing it v. 2
I would like to tell you about a sport I enjoy playing. That’s walking in the park. This sport is good for my health. Walking for 30 minutes a day or more on most days of the week is a great way to improve or keep up your overall health. The aim of walking is to do exercises, keep fit, reduced risk of heart disease and stroke, improved management of conditions such as high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes and preserve and enhance my memory. I leave my office for walking by 5 PM, then I go to the park near my house and start walking. This park is very large and full of the trees, so the fresh air is very healthy for health. Actually, none of my friends live near my house, so I often do walks alone. However, I enjoy it so much because I can listen to the sound of the birds and breathe the fresh air. The park have many trees, so the air and environment remain fresher than other places. So breathing the fresh air, doing the exercises and finally walking to keep fit is definitely a very healthy habit. A sound mind lies on a sound body and this habit that I adopted is pretty helpful for keeping a sound health and sound mind. Besides, walking alone is the best relaxing time to me after a tired working day, I think and come up with the create ideas in this time. Actually, I am not keen on doing exercise. However, after delivering the baby, I gained weight so much. Up to now, I have not still lost any weights. After the recent annual check-up, a doctor advice me to do exercise, so I started walking after working time, and I really love this physical activity. Doing the physical exercise is the habit I have developed to keep the physical and mental health.
I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
you about a sport I enjoy playing. That’s walking in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
. This sport is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Walking for 30 minutes a day or more on most days of the week is a great way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
up your
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. The aim of walking is to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
fit,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of heart disease and stroke,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
management of conditions such as high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes and preserve and enhance my memory.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
my office for walking by 5 PM, then I go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
near my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
walking. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
large and full of the trees,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the fresh air is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
healthy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Actually, none of my friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
near my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
do walks alone.
However
, I enjoy it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I can listen to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sound
of the birds and breathe the fresh air.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "has".
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
trees,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the air and environment remain fresher than other places.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
breathing the fresh air, doing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
and
finally
walking to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
fit is definitely a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
healthy habit. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sound
mind lies on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sound
body and this habit that I adopted is pretty helpful for keeping a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sound
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sound
mind.
Besides
, walking alone is the best relaxing time to me after a tired working day, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with the
The word 'create' is a verb. Did you mean the noun "creation"?
create
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
in this time.

Actually, I am not keen on doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
.
However
, after delivering the baby, I gained weight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much. Up to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, I have not
still
lost any weights. After the recent annual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
-up, a doctor advice me to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
walking after working time, and I
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
this physical activity. Doing the physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is the habit I have developed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
the physical and mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS academic Describe a game or sport you enjoy playing You should say What kind of sport it is Who you play it with Where you play it and explain why you enjoy playing it v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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