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The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate. v.1

The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate. v. 1
The pie charts enumerate a survey result which compares the type of cultural and free-time activities boys and girls participate in. At the first glance, boys generally prefer computer games, and outdoor sports while girls mostly participated in activities like dancing, gymnastics and reading. As is presented in the diagrams, more than one-third boys play computer games while one-quarter play basketball. Moreover, nearly one in five boys plays soccer and one-tenth of them like to do skateboarding. It is prevalent from the illustration that boys mostly play games and take part in outdoor sports. The reading habit among boys is very poor as only 2% of them read. Interestingly, listening to music is an activity which is enjoyed by an equal percentage (10%) of boys and girls. Moving to the girls’ activities, playing computer games is not as popular among girls as it is among boys. The most popular pursuits among girls are dancing (27% pick this up) and reading (more than one-fifth are active readers). Among outdoor sports and activity, gymnastics and netballs are common among female children as 11% and 15% participate in these two outdoor activities. Interestingly, the ratio of reading among girls is considerably higher than that of boys.
The pie charts enumerate a survey result which compares the type of cultural and free-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
participate in. At the
first
glance,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
generally
prefer computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
sports while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
mostly
participated in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like dancing, gymnastics and reading.

As
is presented
in the diagrams, more than one-third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
while one-quarter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
basketball.
Moreover
,
nearly
one in five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plays
soccer and one-tenth of them like to
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go skateboarding".
do skateboarding
. It is prevalent from the illustration that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
sports. The reading habit among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
poor as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2% of them read.
Interestingly
, listening to music is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
which
is enjoyed
by an equal percentage (10%) of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and girls.

Moving to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is not as popular among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
as it is among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
. The most popular pursuits among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
are dancing (27% pick this up) and reading (more than one-fifth are active readers). Among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
sports and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
, gymnastics and
Possible spelling mistake found.
netballs
are common among female children as 11% and 15% participate in these two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Interestingly
, the ratio of reading among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
is
considerably
higher than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS academic The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
203 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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