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The pie graph below shows the results of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which girls participate. v.2

The pie graph below shows the results of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which girls participate. v. 2
The two charts illustrate how many pupils participate in cultural and leisure activities. The graphs compare the preference habits of both boys and girls. Overall, the data indicate that the proportion of computer games in boys is higher than girls whereas the percentage of reading in boys is lower than girls. According to the charts, there is a similarity in the rate of listening to music both boys and girls, with 10%. This is the same with skateboarding in boys and gymnastics in girls, with 11%. Besides, computer game activity is the most popular with boys, with 34 %. This rate is higher than the proportion of choosing computer games in girls, with 16%. On the other hand, reading is the least popular with boys, with 2%, while the percentage of reading in girls increases significantly, with 21%. In conclusion, it can be seen from the graph that boys have a trend in physical activities while the girls have trended in mindful activities.
The two charts illustrate how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pupils participate in cultural and leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. The graphs compare the preference habits of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and girls.

Overall
, the data indicate that the proportion of computer games in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
is higher than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
whereas the percentage of reading in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
is lower than girls.

According to the charts, there is a similarity in the rate of listening to music both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
, with 10%. This is the same with skateboarding in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and gymnastics in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
, with 11%.
Besides
, computer game
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
is the most popular with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
, with 34 %. This rate is higher than the proportion of choosing computer games in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
, with 16%.

On the other hand
, reading is the least popular with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
, with 2%, while the percentage of reading in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
increases
significantly
, with 21%.

In conclusion
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the graph that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
have a trend in physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
have trended in mindful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS academic The pie graph below shows the results of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which girls participate. v. 2

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
163 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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