Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

You have seen an advertisement in an English newspaper for a job working in the City Museum shop during the holidays. You decide to apply for the job. Write a letter to the director of the Museum. In your letter: •introduce yourself•explain what experie v.10

You have seen an advertisement in an English newspaper for a job working in the City Museum shop during the holidays. You decide to apply for the job. Write a letter to the director of the Museum. In your letter: •introduce yourself•explain what experie v. 10
Dear Sir/ Madam, I am writing this letter to apply for holiday job posting which has been advertised in daily Newspaper. I am a 24-year-old student, studying my bachelor degree in Cambridge University. Though I am from one of the South East countries, I do speak English fluently. At present, I am very keen to have a holiday job this summer. My term finishes on 5 July and I am free until 20 September. Last year I had worked in a restaurant as a servant and I got a chance to meet the people all over the world. That was a fascinating experience. This year I would like to expand my wings, looking have a more interesting and satisfying job. I would say, working in a museum might give a chance for me to explore more about the history and meet the different ethnic groups. I enjoy going into the museums and am particularly keen on history. I have been in your museum several times and I am familiar with the historical objects and Heritage of the museum. I do hope you will be interested in my application. I look forward to hearing from you in the near future. Yours faithfully, Dimitris Boudramis
Dear Sir/ Madam,

I am writing this letter to apply for holiday job posting which has
been advertised
in daily Newspaper. I am a 24-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
student, studying my bachelor degree in Cambridge University. Though I am from one of the South East countries, I do speak English
fluently
. At present, I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
keen to have a holiday job this summer.

My term finishes on 5
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
July and
I am free until 20 September. Last year I had worked in a restaurant as a servant and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
all over the world. That was a fascinating experience. This year I would like to expand my wings, looking have a more interesting and satisfying job. I would say, working in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
might give a chance for me to explore more about the history and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ethnic groups.

I enjoy going into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and am
particularly
keen on history.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
have been in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
several
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
times and
I am familiar with the historical objects and Heritage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
do hope you will
be interested
in my application.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
look forward to hearing from you in the near future.

Yours
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Dimitris
Possible spelling mistake found.
Boudramis
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS academic You have seen an advertisement in an English newspaper for a job working in the City Museum shop during the holidays. You decide to apply for the job. Write a letter to the director of the Museum. In your letter: •introduce yourself•explain what experie v. 10

Academic
  American English
7 paragraphs
202 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts