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The chart of marriages and divorces rates in US between 1970 and 2000 and the marital status of adult American in the same period. v.2

The chart of marriages and divorces rates in US between 1970 and 2000 and the marital status of adult American in the same period. v. 2
The two figures show rates of marriages and divorces in America from 1970 to 2000, and the states of marriage of American adults in two different years 1970 and 2000. It is clear that there was a decline in the marriage rates, while the divorce people remained unchanged over the survey period. In the second chart, married group is the major proportion, whereas widowed and divorced people are the minority groups. In 1970, the number of marriage people is 2. 5 million. This is the largest number in both groups, and it maintained that rate until 1980, before reducing to only 2 million in the end of the period. The divorces have smaller rates of people than married people, with only 1million in 1970. Although, there was slight increase in 1980, by 0. 4 million, the number of divorced people returned to the starting point in two last years. Moving to marital status part, the highest percentage is the part of people who are married in 1970, at 70%, then fell to just under 60% in 2000. In contrast, both parts of widowed and divorced people are lowest parts with all of them are below 10% throughout the period.
The two figures
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show
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rates
of
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marriages
and divorces in America from 1970 to 2000, and the states of
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marriage
of American adults in two
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different
years 1970 and 2000.

It is
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clear
that there was a decline in the
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marriage
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rates
, while the divorce
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people
remained unchanged over the survey period. In the second chart, married group is the major proportion, whereas widowed and divorced
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people
are the minority groups.

In 1970, the number of
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marriage
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people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
2. 5
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million
. This is the largest number in both groups, and it maintained that
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rate
until 1980,
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before
reducing to
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only
2
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million
in the
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end
of the period. The divorces have smaller
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rates
of
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people
than married
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people
, with
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only
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1million
in 1970. Although, there was slight increase in 1980, by 0. 4
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million
, the number of divorced
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people
returned to the starting point in two last years.

Moving to marital status
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part
, the highest percentage is the
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part
of
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people
who
are married
in 1970, at 70%, then fell to
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just
under 60% in 2000.
In contrast
, both
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parts
of widowed and divorced
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people
are
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
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parts
with all of them are below 10% throughout the period.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS academic The chart of marriages and divorces rates in US between 1970 and 2000 and the marital status of adult American in the same period. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
199 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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