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Uk graduates and postgraduates students who did not go to full-time work after leaving college in 2008. v.1

Uk graduates and postgraduates students who did not go to full-time work after leaving college in 2008. v. 1
The bar charts demonstrate the number in the UK of graduate and postgraduate students who are not full-time employees in different destinations in 2008. There are significantly more graduates than post graduates in all destinations, however, both graduates and postgraduates show that the highest number of students choose to continue studying. graduates doing part-time job, 17, 735, are considerably less than those in further study, 29, 665, whereas the number of postgraduates in part-time work, being 2, 535, is not far from the 2, 725 who chose further study. Voluntary work is the lowest destination in numbers for both graduates and postgraduates at 3, 500 and 345 respectively. Unemployment is rather high, falling just below part-time work for graduates at 16, 235 and relatively less for post-graduates at 1, 625. All in all, the stats for bothe are quite similar when ignoring the total number of each group, although there are little difference in how many doing part-time jobs.
The bar charts demonstrate the
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number
in the UK of
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graduate
and
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postgraduate
students who are not full-time employees in
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different
destinations in 2008. There are
significantly
more
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graduates
than post
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graduates
in all destinations,
however
, both
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graduates
and
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postgraduates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that the highest
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number
of students choose to continue studying.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
graduates
doing part-time job, 17, 735, are
considerably
less than those in
further
study, 29, 665, whereas the
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number
of
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postgraduates
in part-time work, being 2, 535, is not far from the 2, 725 who chose
further
study. Voluntary work is the lowest destination in
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numbers
for both
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graduates
and
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postgraduates
at 3, 500 and 345
respectively
. Unemployment is
rather
high, falling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below part-time work for
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graduates
at 16, 235 and
relatively
less for
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post-graduates
at 1, 625.

All in all, the stats for
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bothe
are quite similar when ignoring the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of each group, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
difference in how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
doing part-time jobs.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS academic Uk graduates and postgraduates students who did not go to full-time work after leaving college in 2008. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
159 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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