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The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.4

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.
The given bar charts present what students in the UK did after their degrees or postgraduate studies, unless full-time employment, in 2008. Looking at the former bar graph, the largest number of students (30, 000) continued their education. Although there were many graduates that did not go into full-time jobs, a considerable number of them, of around 18, 000, started their part-time work. About the same amount of people became unemployed while a minority of graduates (only 3, 500) went into voluntary work. As is observed from the latter bar graph, postgraduates mostly continued their education or took part time jobs, at 2, 725 and 2, 545 people, respectively. A further 1, 625 persons became unemployed. The final 345 postgraduate students became volunteers. In comparison, the bar graphs show approximately the same percentages in terms of destinations for both graduates and post-graduates. Although the overall number of each graduate and postgraduate learners is significantly different, people tend to engage in ongoing study or part-time work, after having finished these; otherwise, those, not finding themselves unemployed, opting for taking part in voluntary work.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar charts present what students in the UK did after their degrees or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
postgraduate
studies, unless full-time employment, in 2008.

Looking at the former bar graph, the largest number of students (30, 000) continued their education. Although there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
that did not go into full-time jobs, a considerable number of them, of around 18, 000,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
their part-time work. About the same amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
became unemployed while a minority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
(
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
3, 500) went into voluntary work.

As
is observed
from the latter bar graph,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
postgraduates
mostly
continued their education or took
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
jobs, at 2, 725 and 2, 545
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
respectively
. A
further
1, 625 persons became unemployed. The final 345
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
postgraduate
students became volunteers.

In comparison
, the bar graphs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
approximately the same percentages in terms of destinations for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
post-graduates
. Although the
overall
number of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
postgraduate
learners is
significantly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to engage in ongoing study or part-time work, after having finished these;
otherwise
, those, not finding themselves unemployed, opting for taking part in voluntary work.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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IELTS academic The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
182 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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