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The charts below show that what UK graduate and postgraduates students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. v.2

The charts below show that what UK graduate and postgraduates students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. v. 2
The pie charts illustrate what graduate and postgraduate students in the United Kingdom who did not do the full-time job after leaving college in 2008. Overall, after leaving school, further study is the most common destination for both graduates and postgraduates people. To begin with, the number of ex-students was around ten times that of postgraduates. It is also interesting noting that there was a similar trend in both graphs. The further study attracted the most students averaged at around 1600 students, followed by part-time work and unemployed at roughly 10000 and 9000 respectively, the least common is unemployment at just over 1900 people. When we compare each factor in two graphs, we can see that the number of graduates wanted to study further was fourteen times that of postgraduates from around 29500 to approximately 2730 students. While part-time work and unemployment made up 17, 735 and 16235 people respectively in the number of graduates, only 2, 500 and 1500 students did this that of postgraduates. More than 3000 ex-students attended the voluntary job. In contrast, only 345 post-grads did this kind of work.
The pie charts illustrate what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
postgraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the United Kingdom who did not do the full-time job after leaving college in 2008.
Overall
, after leaving school,
further
study is the most common destination for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
postgraduates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the number of ex-students was around ten times that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
postgraduates
. It is
also
interesting noting that there was a similar trend in both graphs. The
further
study attracted the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
averaged at around 1600
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, followed by part-time work and unemployed at roughly 10000 and 9000
respectively
, the least common is unemployment at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 1900
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

When we compare each factor in two graphs, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
wanted to study
further
was fourteen times that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
postgraduates
from around 29500 to approximately 2730
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. While part-time work and unemployment made up 17, 735 and 16235
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
respectively
in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2, 500 and 1500
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
did this that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
postgraduates
. More than 3000 ex-students attended the voluntary job.
In contrast
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
345 post-grads did this kind of work.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS academic The charts below show that what UK graduate and postgraduates students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
184 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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