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UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008 v.2

UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008 v. 2
The bar chart gives information about UK graduate and postgraduate students who prefer other activities rather than full-time work after graduated from college in 2008. There were 3 kinds of activity will be figured out with full time work such as an exception. Overall, as can be seen that the biggest amount of graduates activity was obviously in further study likewise similar with the postgraduates trend which showed that the most of them decided to further their study markedly. Regarding to the data, grads occupation which the most postive movement had to be in further education for the graduates which reached at 29. 665 grads whilst similar case in postgraduates, the master grads mostly continued their study and it totally got at 2. 725 grads. The second highest career path of bachelor happened to get contracted to take part-time job which at 17. 735 grads markedly. Same case as in postgraduates, they also chose tp obtain part-time job and counted at 2. 535 grads respectively. Another career option, a part of graduates contributed their selves in voluntary which tabulated at 3. 500 grads whilst the master grads who decided to be in boluntary happened to be 10 times lower than the bachelor grads’. Unlike with the former career destinations, some of the bachelor and master grads determined to be unemployed but just at 1. 625 for ghe postgraduates and 10 times higher for the graduates.
The bar chart gives information about UK
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
postgraduate
students who prefer other activities
rather
than full-time work after graduated from college in 2008. There were 3 kinds of activity will
be figured
out with full time work such as an exception.
Overall
, as can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the biggest amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
activity was
obviously
in
further
study
likewise
similar with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
postgraduates
trend which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the most of them decided to
further
their study
markedly
.

The phrase 'Regarding to' is not correct. Use "Regarding" or "regard to".
Regarding to
the data,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grads
occupation which the most
Possible spelling mistake found.
postive
movement had to be in
further
education for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
which reached at 29. 665
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grads
whilst similar case in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
postgraduates
, the master
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grads
mostly
continued their study and it
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
at 2. 725
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grads
. The second highest career path of bachelor happened to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
contracted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
-time job which at 17. 735
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grads
markedly
. Same case as in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
postgraduates
, they
also
chose
Possible spelling mistake found.
tp
obtain part-time job and counted at 2. 535
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grads
respectively
.

Another career option, a part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
contributed their selves in voluntary which tabulated at 3. 500
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grads
whilst the master
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grads
who decided to be in
Possible spelling mistake found.
boluntary
happened to be 10 times lower than the bachelor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grads’
. Unlike with the former career destinations,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
bachelor and master
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grads
determined to
be unemployed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
at 1. 625 for
Possible spelling mistake found.
ghe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
postgraduates
and 10 times higher for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS academic UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008 v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
235 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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