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The given bar graphs show the extent of cash that individuals in France, Germany and England spent on nourishment and different items in 1998 and 2008. v.2

The given bar graphs show the extent of cash that individuals in France, Germany and England spent on nourishment and different items in 1998 and 2008. v. 2
the bar chart illustrates the proportion of money that people in France, Germany and England spent on food and other products in 1998 and 2008. Looking at the graph, it is immediately obvious that all three saw a significant rise in the percentage of purchases of both food and other goods over the examined period, in which France was the lead country. In 1998, Germany was the most spent nation on 25% food and around 17% of other foods, followed by France with 15% and about 8% of the money French citizens spent was on foodstuffs and other goods, respectively. After 10 years, the figures for both categories in France climbed dramatically to 40%. Meanwhile, each person in Germany only additionally expended 5% of the money on food and over 10% for other goods in 2008. In England, buyers paid just 10% to food in 1998 and 15% in 2008. However, the rate of money that British disbursing other goods experienced an enormous increase from 15% in 1998 to 35% in 2008.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
bar chart illustrates the proportion of
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money
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in France, Germany and England spent on
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food
and
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other
products in 1998 and 2008.

Looking at the graph, it is immediately obvious that all three
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a significant rise in the percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
of both
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food
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
over the examined period, in which France was the lead country.

In 1998, Germany was the most spent nation on 25%
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food
and around 17% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, followed by France with 15% and about 8% of the
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money
French citizens spent was on foodstuffs and
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other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
,
respectively
. After 10 years, the figures for both categories in France climbed
dramatically
to 40%. Meanwhile, each person in Germany
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
additionally
expended 5% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and over 10% for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
in 2008.

In England, buyers paid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
10% to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in 1998 and 15% in 2008.
However
, the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
that British disbursing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
experienced an enormous increase from 15% in 1998 to 35% in 2008.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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IELTS academic The given bar graphs show the extent of cash that individuals in France, Germany and England spent on nourishment and different items in 1998 and 2008. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
172 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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