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This bar chart shows the percentage of Australian graduates on full-time employment four months after graduation, between 1995 and 2001 v.1

This bar chart shows the percentage of Australian graduates on full-time employment four months after graduation, between 1995 and 2001 v. 1
The figure above reveals the results of a survey carried out to determine graduate' s status in full-time employment specific for each gender during these six years period from 1995 to 2001. At the first glance, it can be seen that in the majority of these years men rather than women lucky to get their adequate occupations a part from 2001 which experienced an equal amount for males and females. The highest percentage of this figure devote to the year 2000 for both genders. Approximately, more over 84 percentage of male and just very small under 82 percentage. Nonetheless, this statistic had experienced the least stage at the first year of this research. By the time past, it can be anticipated that for the future phase both males and females reach to a similar point. Maybe for now in which the survey did not gather the data have insignificant erratic behavior.
The figure above reveals the results of a survey carried out to determine
Possible spelling mistake found.
graduate&
#039; s status in full-time employment specific for each gender during these six years period from 1995 to 2001.

At the
first
glance, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that in the majority of these years
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
rather
than women lucky to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their adequate occupations a part from 2001 which experienced an equal amount for males and females. The highest percentage of this figure devote to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2000 for both genders. Approximately, more over 84 percentage of male and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
under 82 percentage.

Nonetheless, this statistic had experienced the least stage at the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of this research. By the time past, it can
be anticipated
that for the future phase both males and females reach to a similar point. Maybe for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
in which the survey did not gather the data have insignificant erratic behavior.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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IELTS academic This bar chart shows the percentage of Australian graduates on full-time employment four months after graduation, between 1995 and 2001 v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
151 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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